dear diary

chapter 18

It's been three weeks. Three weeks of phone calls with Blaire, and text messages with Matt. I've even kept in touch with Ethan, primarily in the group chat. 

I don't know when the texts stopped coming from Chase, and when I stopped sending them, but it feels like it's been forever.

I've run out of pages in my diary because I've done nothing but sit and write in it the past three weeks.

I've had one nightmare since I've been here, during the second week. I called Chase like he had told me to, except he didn't answer. He didn't answer at all after that.

Blaire told me that he's been showing up to school looking like shit, and that his wounds have been getting worse and worse.

I've been trying to call him, to ask him if he's okay, and I get no response. It's driving me insane.

My father broke into our house about a week ago, tore it apart and then left. The police almost caught him, but he managed to slip through their fingers like he always does.

Officer Ryan, who is stationed with us, told us we had to wait a week to be sure he's truly gone.

We're going back to our house tomorrow.

My mother has put on one hell of a show, acting like she cares. It's bittersweet, because I know it's fake and yet I've convinced myself to allow it to happen, just so I could feel her love again. Real or not, a mother's love can fix just about anything.

I'm starting to believe that I've become a lost cause in my battle with my father.

I thought they would catch him, and that this would be over, but they didn't. They never do.

I didn't tell anyone I'd be back tomorrow, just incase the plan falls through and we have to stay longer. I'll just see them in school on Monday.

Being in isolation for three weeks with nothing but my phone has sort of driven me insane. Blaire had kept me company for most of it, but her name isn't the one I wanted to see when I heard my phone ring.

I just want to talk to him, to see where his head is at. Does he hate me? Is he finally fed up with me?

I wouldn't blame him, he'd been asking me so many questions and I couldn't give him any answers. I'd give up too.

I just don't know what it'll be like to see him again. I don't know if I'll be able to sit back and watch him ignore me.

Does he have a new psych partner? Did him and Mackenzie make up? Has he moved on?

These questions shouldn't matter to me, but they're all I've been thinking these past few weeks.

Isolation is good for that too, plenty of time to just sit back and think. Unfortunately for me, thinking is just about the last thing I should be doing.

I've hardly eaten, and I look like shit. I haven't been able to sleep much after the nightmare, because my mother's cold arms holding me did nothing compared to Chases. I'm not even sure why she bothered trying.

The dream was the same as the last, except I was back in the house where I had actually been stabbed.

"Delaney," my mother's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I flick my eyes up to land on her.