Severus Snape Phoenix Freed

Chapter 7 - Consequences

It was still early in the day, and Severus was uncertain if he could remember his previous plans as they dried and dressed wordlessly. He suddenly broke from the spell and remembered. He kissed her once more, then kissed her forehead, "I dread leaving you now even more than I did previously, but there are tasks I must accomplish today. I will be sure to return with dinner. Perhaps you can make a list of anything you require while I'm away."  She nodded and smiled, but did not say anything. He wondered at her sudden shyness, and hoped she would not grow to regret what happened by the time he returned.

Severus tried to keep any emotion out of his words when he informed Voldemort of his new assistant. The Dark lord stared at him intently. He finally spoke, "Severus, I believe you have surprised me for the first time since I've known you. Do you have... feelings... for this assistant?" Severus knew he must answer carefully. "Yes, although not the kind you might imagine. She is a simple girl. One who is willing to warm my bed. Any more would be a distraction that I do not need, or want," he said, meeting the Dark lord's glare. "You are a man Severus, and I would not deny you your play-thing. But as you have seen from Lucius's poor example, family weakens one's focus. I would advise against developing a stronger connection. Now, let us discuss reintegration of our lost students," Voldemort continued, providing his instructions to Severus.

Severus left Voldemort feeling relatively sure that he had passed the first test. He wondered to himself if he was risking too much. He felt drawn to Phoenix, as he hadn't felt since Lily, but that had ended badly. He didn't know if he could take losing Phoenix. Losing her? he thought, he didn't even have a real relationship with her yet. He could feel it though, as if she already had a foot in the door to his heart. There was something about her that he found compelling. She was soft and hard. She was fiery and gentle. She was bold and shy. She was innocent and passionate. Maybe the duality in her nature suited the duality in his own. A contradiction that somehow found a balance. She didn't know him yet though. If she discovered his own true nature, would she still want to remain with him? She had already seen some of his duality, and she had been repulsed. He had seen it her eyes on the rooftop. If she knew the rest of it... he moved his mind to the task at hand, acquiring a few items he thought he might find on her list. When he returned to his chambers, he found her sitting in his chair in the office, with her bare feet on the desk, reading a book.

"Tell me Severus, have you read all of these books?" she asked as he approached. "Most," he said, and she nonchalantly placed her feet back on the floor as if her slip of decorum hadn't been caught. "I do love to read. I have since I was a child. Maybe you can find me a place in the library. I could pose as your research assistant. That would give me the excuse to read all day," she said, paging quickly through the book. She looked up and saw that he was actually considering it. "That is not an unreasonable idea. Though I was thinking it may seem a bit improper when the students return to have you residing in the same quarters as I. As much as I still hope to share the cover with you, I still need arrange a room for you before school resumes. One that is adjoining mine would be ideal. It would at least give the illusion of propriety," he said, sounding a bit regretful. Phoenix replied, "That would be fine with me. That way I could go lock myself in when you're in a foul mood." He smiled at that. "Have you ever seen me in a foul mood?" he asked as if he already knew the answer. "Only most of the time," she laughed, "In fact, I never imagined seeing this side of you. I didn't even think you had this whole other side to you." "And what side would that be?" he asked. She rose from the chair and stepped up to him, placing her hand on his chest, smiling up at him, "The side that actually smiles." She reached up and brushed his lips with her fingertips, "You have a gorgeous smile. The way your lips turn down and then back up again. The way your eyes show your smile before your lips do. I've even heard you laugh at least once, and the sound is intoxicating. I haven't decided yet though if I prefer to see your smile, or your eyes when they darken more than one would believe possible when you are passionate about something. Especially about me." At that point, she could actually see his eyes darken, and she could feel his chest move with deep breaths. He lowered his head, moving his mouth towards hers, and she felt her own breath catch in her throat. Instead of kissing her, he moved his mouth to her ear. "I cannot imagine how or why you would find beauty when I can find none in my own reflection," Severus whispered, his warm breath on her ear, "but I can assure you that what I see before me is more beautiful than I could ever hope to put into words. I see your heart as well, and it matches your outward appearance in it's splendor. I can only hope that, once you see my heart..." He lowered his head, and she placed her hands on his face, bringing him to look at her. "I have seen your heart Severus, whether you know it or not, and it is as gorgeous as your smile," at that, she pulled him down to kiss her, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly and kissed her without reserve. She suddenly pulled back and ran into the bedchamber, locking the door behind her.

Severus didn't know what just happened. Romance was not his area of expertise, and he couldn't imagine what would cause her to run off. Maybe she was having second thoughts about him. Her words and actions leading up to this point had said the exact opposite. She was going to drive him mad, he knew it. She was still relatively young though. Maybe she was as unused to these emotions as he was. He poured himself a glass of brandy and stewed over it. Hopefully she would unlock the door at some point, as surely he would never force it open, or he may indeed find out how uncomfortable the chair would be to sleep in after all.

Phoenix didn't know what had come over her... she decided not to lie to herself, yes she did know. She was overcome with unexpected guilt. She knew what game she was supposed to be playing... had been playing. At what point did it stop being a game? She didn't know the answer to that. They had only spent a week or so together, and had shared close quarters during that time. Although she had known him for years as her Professor, she didn't really know him. Yet, the feelings she felt for him were real to her. She didn't know if she could ever tell him, but when she said she had seen his heart, she hadn't lied. She was never trained formally in Legilimency, but she had a magical gift since she could remember. She couldn't read people's minds, per se, but she had a sense about people, if she could hold their eyes long enough. She could even tell if they were telling the truth. That's why she had trusted Severus, not only because of his words. But now she felt like she had lied to him from the beginning, and she didn't know how she could move forward from that lie. She had always considered herself a strong person, mentally, physically, and emotionally, and she didn't like this feeling. She didn't want to hurt him though. She really wasn't lying about her feelings for him, not anymore. What if he was disgusted by her truth and sent her away? She didn't want to leave, not now. Not only did she want to stay for her friends, she had actually began to look forward to spending the year at Hogwarts... and with Severus. She felt a hot tear fall down her cheek and brushed it away roughly. She had made her bed, and she would face up to it, whatever the consequences.