Severus Snape Phoenix Freed

Chapter 12 - Tame

She wasn't about to cry. She couldn't look at him though. At least not in the eyes. She decided to look at his black booted feet instead as he stood in front of her. To hell with that too, she suddenly thought. She wasn't ashamed at what she had done. She had accomplished what she had set out to do, with some hiccups, of course, but she had talked to her friends and hopefully kept them from trying anything risky before they got here. She would be damned if she let Severus admonish her for that. She met his eyes with fire in them, and was a bit shocked at the fire she found in his. She steeled herself to take whatever he would dole out. She was soundly shocked as he turned on his heel and went into his bedchamber. Maybe she had really pushed him too far. She had broken their trust in a way. He had warned her about leaving his chambers, but she didn't remember promising not to. She looked around the room and found a bottle that looked like brandy. She opened it and sniffed it, and sure enough it was. She poured herself a full glass and sat in Severus's chair. She was so accustomed to answering only to herself for so long that she hadn't really considered his feelings. She hadn't considered getting caught either. Maybe she was being defensive because of that, and she knew that wasn't fair to Severus. Dammit she hated feeling this way. The brandy had started to ease some of her hard feelings, and she began to soften towards Severus's stance. He hadn't said anything to her, and somehow that hurt worse than if he would have been cross with her. Well, he did seem cross with her, but he hadn't spoken harshly... he hadn't spoken at all. She drained her glass in one gulp and headed to see if he was still awake. She wondered if this is how Severus had felt when she had ran into the bedroom, and she wished he would emerge to beckon her in to talk with him and she had that night. She entered the bedchamber quietly. If he was asleep, maybe he wouldn't be so mad by morning. She knew she wouldn't sleep well waiting until then, though, and she was somewhat relieved when he rolled over to look at her. "Do you mind if I join you?" she asked, and she heard the catch in her voice. "By all means," he said simply, and his voice did not give any clues to his mood. She undressed and slipped under the cover, but stayed on her side of the bed. She laid in silence, hoping he would say something, but he outlasted her patience, and she spoke first, "I know you're upset with me," she said. He remained silent. She sucked in a breath of air and let it out slowly. "I knew if I told you my plans you would have tried to stop me. I've done stuff much more dangerous than that the last couple years since my parents died. It really wasn't that serious," she said, hoping that was enough explanation. He startled her when he rolled quickly towards her, holding himself up on his arms, with a hand on each side of her head, his eyes burning into hers. "And did it once enter your mind to think of me?" he asked in a slow, dangerous voice. "What if you would have been caught, or hurt, or killed?" he asked, and she could hear his anger growing. "I am no longer your professor, and I cannot command you to do anything, and yet you run off and do something dangerous without trusting me...like a child! Maybe there really is no trust between us. Maybe you still are a child!" he said, and rolled abruptly to lay on his back. She stewed over his words. She wasn't a child. With all the brandy she drank clouding the rest of his words, 'child' was the only word that made a circuit through her head. She felt the spark of anger growing in her, fueled by the liquor, and she shot up and took the same position over Severus that he had over her, and she found fire in his eyes that may have exceeded her own. "I am not a child!" she said angrily, feeling hot tears building, and she forced them back. She felt suddenly unsure about provoking this man. As much as she loved him, she knew he was a dangerous, powerful wizard. She would not back down though. She wasn't afraid of anyone. "You can go f...", before she could finish that last thought, Severus grabbed her arms and rolled himself on top of her, pinning her down.

Severus was furious, and he let her see it in his eyes. If she could truly sense his emotions, then she was a fool for trying to provoke him. He was way past the point of letting her stubborn insolence slide. He knew it would get her hurt or killed, and that thought drove his fury. He heard her frightened gasp. "Severus, please, I'm sorry. I really didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry," he heard her plead, and it brought him back from the brink of his rage. What was he doing!? Was he so afraid of losing her that he was willing to drive her away himself!? With an angry growl that intensified with each second, he rolled away from her and stood to look at her a moment before grabbing his robe and leaving the room. Dammit he was a fool. Certainly he was angry with her, but maybe he was being a bit unfair too. He was welcome to come and go, doing dangerous missions that she had no knowledge of. How was it his right to tell her that she couldn't do the same? That she had to conform to being under his rule? He had seen the fire in her from the beginning, who was he to tame it? He went and sat in his chair, seeing the half empty bottle of brandy. He poured himself some and took a long drink, welcoming the heat as the liquid burned down his throat. Part of him wished he could tame her, protect her, love her. Wouldn't that be enough for her? He also knew he didn't want that really. He wanted an equal. Not some simple girl, happy to warm his bed as he had told Voldemort. He knew it would be a painful journey, and he would always worry that he would lose her, as he had Lily. He wasn't a coward though, and he knew she was worth all of the pain and anguish that she would most likely put him through. He took one more long drink, and went to face his own music.