Severus Snape Phoenix Freed

Chapter 10 - Blade

It was nice to wake up next to Severus. She felt more contented than she had since she could even remember. "So, was it what you expected it to be like?" she heard Severus ask softly. She thought a moment, then looked at him with a sheepish smile, "No. It was nothing like I imagined." He raised up on one elbow to draw closer to her. "How so?" he asked. "I thought it was going to be just a physical act. Like wrestling with someone," she laughed, and then laughed again when she saw his amusement. "It definitely wasn't just that. It was intoxicating, like I drank too much wine. And it was intimate in a way that made me feel like I was on another plain of existence. And you were there with me, but not really with me, but a part of me. But it was also like I didn't have a body, and yet all of my mind and body could feel was you. Like you were massaging an ache... deep in my being. And when I... it felt different than when that happened before. It felt like everything around me ceased to exist, even my own thoughts, and I exploded... like fireworks going off, sending sparks throughout my whole body. And the ache was gone, and the relief from it was almost overwhelming in itself, but you were there with me, through it all. Does that sound crazy? Is that normal?" He had an expression on his face she'd never seen him have before. He smiled, but there was something in his eyes too she had never seen before. "I don't know. If it's not normal, we must be the only two who have experienced it," he said slowly, "I could never have described it so eloquently as you, but I too felt it. It was as if more than our bodies merged, and for a moment, I felt like your wall fell, and you allowed my mind into yours. Except I didn't try to enter it, it was just there, like it was meant to be there." She replayed the experience in her mind, and she knew the exact moment when they merged. It was a little sad for it to end, but she didn't feel sadness or loneliness afterwards, or even now. She felt fulfilled in a way she never knew was possible. She reached and stroked his face. "I know that times are darkened for you, as they have been for me as well. I would never have thought that I would be able to see light again, and now that I've seen it, I couldn't imagine living without it. No matter what happens, whatever we have to do, whatever happens to us, maybe we can be the light for each other. And then the darkness will never win," she said it with a conviction that would not yield, and she saw the same conviction in his eyes.

Severus dressed, buttoning his jacket as he had done a thousands of times before. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked younger, he thought. Something around his eyes. He knew this year would be difficult. For him, for the students. He would try to make sure they had some light in the darkness as well... somehow. He could never replace Dumbledore. He knew he would be but just a shadow. The previous Headmaster had the respect and love of the students and staff. He would give of himself what he knew he must, his protection, and they would hate him for it. He hadn't expected Phoenix to come into his life, and he had prepared himself to stand alone, driven by his purpose. Now he felt like someone stood with him, and her love would counter all of the hate, and he felt an ease in his spirit that he'd never felt before.

Phoenix watched him leave. She saw the courage in him. He was perhaps the bravest man she'd ever known. She sensed it in him, like a blade of hammered steel. She knew it had nothing to do with her, but she felt something different about him since she'd met him, something in his heart that put an edge and a purpose on the blade. Phoenix felt her own strength too, and she swore to be the shield to compliment his sword. She hated for him his life of solitude, but she also felt fortunate to be the one to be there for him when he did finally open his heart. She dressed and prepared for her day. She didn't plan on waiting around his chambers for him. She knew things would get worse before they got better, and if they even were to get better, she would not sit idly waiting for it. She still had her own purpose, and she knew he would never allow her to put herself in danger if he knew of her plans. She had been working on learning how to apparate, and it had been a Sisyphean task. She felt some optimism today though, and she was determined to master it. She set her mind to it, and found herself exactly where she'd planned to be.