I Love You Dumbass (Raccooneggs x reader)

1

A/n: before you say anything about me starting another story, im working on a schedule im keeping you guys entertained and im tring not to fail school so i dont become a stripper because my fat ass would break it also some of the lines are from his videos and they are pretty dark so um 👍

Raccoons pov

I was playing CS:GO with my friends and a couple of others but i dont know who the fuck they were. "Hey Racc my friend was wondering if they could play with us?" Swag asks.

"Sure why not lets hope they are better at playing then you Mr. Walks into the fucking wall" i say. "Can yall hear me?" I hear a voice say they had a voice changer on. "Yeah" Swagger says.

"Cool, so raccoon when the fuck are you gonna give me back my AK?" They had their voice changer off- holy shit no way.

"Y/N?" I ask. My best friend,bro i cant believe their back, we lost touch after they got into a toxic relationship. "How are you man? Oh my god" i say. "Im doing fantastic man, but i would be better if you gave me my AK back in one piece" they said.

They treated that gun like a baby thats their ride or die. "Fine here you go" i say i give them the gun. "Thank youuu anyways there is a guy behind you" they say. I turn and get killed. "YOU BITCH" i yell they laugh.

"So how are you and Raymond?" I ask. "We broke up" they say. "Oh shit i didnt mean to ask i was just-" "nah nah nah its fine, his bitch ass decided to cheat on me with the ugliest mother fucker out there, i swear they looked like if Bert and Ernie had a baby and it was retarded" they say. I laugh. "Yeah that dude was a complete asshole, he kicked them out of THEIR apartment" Swagger says.

"What the fuck?" I ask. "Yeah but i live with the Misfits so its good" they say."Oh shit forgot to ask, wanna come over to smoke a joint? For old times sake?" Swagger ask. "Of course man what time?" I ask. "Maybe around 8" He says. "Alright just send me your address." I say.

Swag sent me the address.

*

"Schmlif.." Y/n was laughing. I had changed my name to Schmlif.

"The next time you play with Smii7y dont even call him smii7y call him schmlif" they say. Everyone was laughing. They had changed the name to spench.

Everyone was laughing their ass off. Man i missed them.

Me and y/n got into a heated 'argument' "6:30 you. Me. 1v1 here" they say. "Wanna bet?" I ask. "Ill bet you my wifes life" they say. "Like insurance?" Swagger asks. "Nope" they say. We hear someone cock a gun.

"Oh shi-" i say bursting out into laughter.

*

There we were. They were on one side hiding behind a block, i was on the other side trying to get them. They come out and we both shoot. "FUCK!" I hear them yell. There was a gun shot noice and a baby crying.

"This is why we dont play with you!" Fitz said. "you know im hilarious you cant get rid of me motherfuckers" y/n says. I laugh. "Its true we have been friends for like what 2 years? Your bitch ass always stayed" i say. "Aw" they say.

"Wait have you seen y/n face before?" Fitz asks. "No, we have been friends for two years and they have onl seen my face" i say. "Well you might see me tonight" they say. "Ight see you there" i say.

"Bet" they say.

*
I had ended my stream and

It was around 8 and i had ubered a ride to the misfits house.

I knock on the door and see swagger, he had his helmet on. "Oh shit i forgot you were coming over, dont mind the noise Fitz and Y/n are battling it out over a game of Uno" swagger says.

"Oi can you shut the fuck up?" I hear Mason yell. "No! This bitch is trying to tell me that this card isnt right!" I hear Fitz yell. "Just come in they have been doing this forever" swagger says. "Who the hell is at the door? If its not Ezra or the pizza man its not important, get back in here before you get kidnapped" y/n yells.

"What if i say it is Ezra?" Swagger says. "Then i would run over there and tackle him with a hug" y/n yells. Swagger drags me in. I walk into their living room i see Fitz and someone else. Holy shit thats y/n!

"Swagger does it count if the cards are both bowser?" Fitz asks annoyed. "Are you dumbasses playing Mario Uno?" Swagger asks. "Mason took the other ones" y/n says. "What a dumbass" i say. Y/n looks up and sees me. They speed run over to me and jump on me hugging me like their gonna lose me.

"You son of a bitch" they mumble. The boys all went 'aww'

"Ok when you guys are done fucking can we continue Uno?"Fitz asks. Y/n flips him off. I laugh. Y/n gets off of me. "Ok now to settle this, Fitz you dumb cunt you either put down a 7 or a blue you dont go based off of the fucking character" y/n says.

They argue back and forth before Fitz gives up and goes upstairs.

"Alright children follow me" Swagger says. Me and y/n follow him upstairs to his room "i dont like where this is going" y/n says. I laugh. Swagger whips out a brief case like a fucking mafia man.

"Gentleman, person, i present to you, the devils lettuce" swagger says he opens it, there it was the mother of all joints "this shit is like X marks the spot" y/n says. "Lets head outside the last time we smoked inside Mason almost set the house on fire" Swagger says.

We go outside and light it up,"should we pass this shit around like STDS or are we getting a joint each" i ask. "Joint each" swagger says. Fitz comes out. Swagger throws one to him he catches it and swag lits him up.

We all are outside, the sun was still setting we watched it and talked about random shit.

Y/n was slightly high already. "Their a light weight?" I ask. "Yeah, Raymond didnt like that they were getting high because he always had to carry them to the bed room, then i asked if he wanted me to carry them, he started yelling at me, im glad they broke up because i would beat his ass if i saw him again" swagger said taking another puff. "I would still let you fuck him up even if we were still dating" i hear y/n say.

An hour had passed, y/n looked kinda cold, Swagger was talking to Toby and Fitz.

I pulled y/n close to me, they cuddle into me. "Thank you Ez" i hear them mumble. I hum.

I saw swagger with his phone out, he was taking photos, he saw me and then decided to try and play it off like he was taking a selfie.

Y/n had passed out and i was already pretty decently high. Not like to where i dont know whats going on but like to where i still am aware of my surroundings

"Hey im gonna put them on their bed, which room is that?" I ask. "When you walk up the stairs turn left its the second door." Fitz says i nod.

I pick them up. "Be careful she does move around alot" Fitz says. I nod and start walking.

I put them on their bed. They held on to my shirt. "Stay.." They whisper. That shit was scary. I lay down so i dont risk other scary shit happening. I felt myself drift off.

        Swaggers pov

"Did Ezra ever come back?" I ask. Fitz was passed out. "Bitch" i say. I walk upstairs and see Ezra and y/n cuddling. "Fucking knew it" i whisper. I whip out my phone and take a photo of them.

"They would be a cute couple" i voice said. I quickly turn around and see Fitz. "You bitch you scared the fuck out of me" i say. He laughs and walks down stairs i walk into my room and pass out.