let me live. a tommyinnit angst.

two.

//TW//anxiety//panic attack//graphic self harm//abuse//swearing//implied suicide mention//

~~~Tommy POV~~~

We talked on the discord for a while, talking about the trip and things to do, and everyone can go! I started getting really anxious, thinking about why my parents want to talk. They've always been responsible about drinking until about 2 months ago, and it's just been getting worse and worse. My dad drinks and drinks, and he gets angry. And when I say angry, I mean angry. He'll hit my mom after they argue for what feels like hours, and most of the time when he's done yelling at my mom, he'll take it out on me. I shift in my chair and loudly winced, knowing the exact bruise I just bothered.

"Tommy what was that?" It was tubbo this time. Shit shit shit shit. I didn't mean to make noise.

Think of an excuse. Now. Quickly. God you're worthless. They're already worried look what you've done.

"U-uh sorry i uh- uhm- bit my cheek. Yeah I just bit my cheek."

God you're a terrible liar. Why can't you just be normal like them?

"Seriously Tommy are you alright?" Dream said getting more worried.

"You know what I think I'm just gonna take a nap. I think I've got a cold. I'll catch you guys later alright?"

"Okay Tommy, just make sure you talk to your parents today." I flinched again, being reminded about talking.

"Alright bye then." I hang up the call.

They hate you Tommy. They don't want you on that trip. If you leave this world now they won't have to deal with you. It's better for them. They want you gone. Just leave. Leave.

Hot tears start streaming down my face while the voices ramble on. "STOP IT!" I say, well, more like scream. You know what maybe they're right. Maybe they don't want me there. God I need to stop thinking.

Before I knew it I was having a panic attack. I sit there shaking, unable to breathe, just wishing someone were here, comforting me. I calm down slightly and go to my bathroom, open the drawer, and search around, finding exactly what I was looking for. I hold the blade firmly in my fingertips, the metal feeling familiar against my skin. I place the blade on my arm, take a deep breath, and press down. I sighed in relief but winced in pain, the feeling indescribable.

One cut. Two. Three. Four. I couldn't stop. The voices wouldn't let me stop. Five. Six. Seven. I began to lose count as the blade just kept gliding across my already scarred wrist. I wasn't able to stop until I started feeling light headed from all the blood I was losing. I look down and see the blood dripping onto my clothes, the floor, the rug, everything. Before I know it I'm lying on the ground. Everything around me goes white, then darkness takes over my blurred vision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count - 548

Hey guys! I'm sorry for the short chapter but again, I'm trying not to rush the storyline. Let me know if I should make chapters more often but shorter, or less often but longer. I'll update when i can:)