let me live. a tommyinnit angst.

seven.

quick little AN today, thank you all so much for over 600 reads and 60 votes, it means the world to me!!

//TW//sh mention//ED//panic attack mention//

~~~Wilbur POV~~~

We got in the car, and I looked at Tommy dead in the eyes. "So Tommy," I began. He looked at me, worry filling his own. "We're blaring Hamilton the entire way there." He sighed in relief and I laughed, but Tubbo was a little concerned as to why he looked so scared. "You alright Tommy?" he asked, noticing him playing with the ends of his sleeves. "Uh, yeah I'm fine, why wouldn't I be?" He looked genuinely terrified. "Just checking," he quietly mumbled. It's definitely gonna take a lot to get him to open up, that's for sure.

~~~Tommy POV~~~

Now that Wilbur knows, I don't know what to do. I have worked so hard to keep this all from my friends, and my own mom had to go and fuck it all up. I don't even know how much she told him. I mean obviously she told him about the anxiety, and or the panic attacks. I mean at least there a few things she wouldn't be able to tell him, as she doesn't even know about them herself.

It's not like they'd care anyway.

Of course they'd care! They're my friends!

No they wouldn't. You know they wouldn't.

I mean, I guess you're right.

I'm always right.

"Tommy?" I heard Wilburs voice say, instead of the one in my head. "Yeah?" "You zoned out for a minute there. I've been trying to get your attention." "Oh, sorry about that." I said with a chuckle. "Dude are you sure you're alright? You don't have to lie to us." Oh how I wish I could just spill everything right then and there. I could just tell them both about my dad, my mom leaving, my cuts, not eating, how the only way to comfort my panic attacks is through someone hugging me. God I wish I could just let it out, and have them just tell me that everything would be alright. I mean I could, but I won't. "Yeah, man, I'm fine. Like seriously it's all good." I think he wanted to talk to me about what my mom told him, but I figured he didn't want to bring it up while Tubbo was in the car.

~~~Wilbur POV~~~

We still had a bit longer to the airport, and it was still morning, so I just assumed they hadn't eaten yet. "So, what to you guys want to eat?" Tubbo spoke up first. "Uh we could get McDonald's if you guys are good with that?" I nodded. "Tommy?" I asked. "Oh I already ate before we left, you guys can get whatever."

flashback

"Okay Wilbur, thank you so much." Tommy's mom said to me. "Of course!" I was still a bit shocked as to what she told me just a few seconds prior. "Oh, and one more thing," I looked at her with a questioning expression. "Make sure he eats enough. He's been skipping meals, claiming he needs to stream or edit and things like that." She looked at me, slightly worried. "Yeah of course I can do that. Has he eaten yet?" "Not yet. He said he'd eat with you guys." "Alright, I'll make sure of it."

end of flashback

Why would he lie about eating? I asked myself silently. I decided not to push it and make an attempt at getting him to try mine or Tubbo's breakfast.

I ordered a bagel with egg and cheese, and Tubbo got pancakes. "Want a bite Tommy?" Tubbo said. I looked at the blonde encouragingly. I could tell he didn't really want to, but he reluctantly accepted. "Thanks Tubs," he muttered. "No problem!!" He replied happily. I gave the boy a proud look before focusing my eyes back on the road.

~~~time skip brought to you by my immense writers block😀🤚🏻~~~

~~~Tommy POV~~~

We arrived at the airport before boarding the plane, and I couldn't help but notice the way Wilbur wouldn't stop looking at me every point five seconds as if I were to just break down right then and there. Honestly this is one of the main reasons I didn't want them finding out. I know they'd just pity me, they don't actually care. I mean hey, on the bright side Tubbo hasn't really suspected anything yet, at least I think so. I'm usually good at reading his thoughts, considering we've called basically every day for over a year, but honestly it was pretty hard to tell this time. I shook off the thought and we heard our flight number being called for boarding. (for the record ik brighton doesn't fly directly to florida but we're gonna roll with it for plot sake)

We boarded our plane and after a few minutes, we were off.

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word count - 815

heyyy! as always thank you so much for reading, I'm sorry for the slightly shorter chapter but ive got some exciting plans for upcoming chapters!