let me live. a tommyinnit angst.

fifteen.

//TW//self harm mention//panic//drowning?//slight ED//very slight death mention//bruises//

~~~Karl POV~~~

I slowly pulled away from wilbur's tight grasp and turned to look at a group of saddened faces. I cleared my throat. "I-I don't think it's my place to say anything. Just know that he's not okay right now and just make sure he knows that we're there for him." They kind of just stood there awkwardly, the silence even louder than before. Tubbo looked confused, but you could see the hurt behind his eyes.

No one really had any idea for what to say, so everyone just kind of went back to what they were doing, that was until we whipped our heads in the direction where a loud, but cracking voice could be heard. "Hey guys!..." He trailed off. "Uh- hey Tommy!" Fundy forced out, failing to clear the awkward atmosphere. I couldn't stop thinking about what must be going through the poor boy's head. "How about we just order lunch and we can all take a break?" Dream suggested, and I could tell we were all grateful at his attempt of cutting the very obvious tension.

"Uh that's cool with me, everyone else?" George quietly spoke. Everyone nodded and hummed in agreement. "Can we get Five Guys?" Techno asked. "Wait but there's 9 of us..." Tubbo said, confused. At that, every single one of us, other than Tubbo of course, broke into a much needed round of laughter. "Tubbo-" Wilbur managed through his wheezes. "Five guys is a restaurant-," He just kind of stared for a minute, letting the embarrassment set in, but eventually just laughing along with the rest.

~~~time skip because holy god my writers block is so bad i'm so sorry~~~

We all pretty much ended up getting the same thing, because let's be real here, Five Guys doesn't exactly have a large variety of food. As we sat down at the large table once again, I made sure to sit next to Tommy again, for obvious reasons. I handed him a burger from the bag, and after pondering for a quick second, he reluctantly accepted. "At least half." I softly whispered to him. He gave me a slightly panicked look but chose to comply after I took a bite of my own food.

We all finished eating and surprisingly enough, Tommy managed to eat half of the burger. I gave him a proud smile. A genuine one.

"Who wants to go to the beach?" Sapnap asked everyone. Most of us eagerly agreed and nodded, Tommy amongst the rest, although his hum didn't seem genuine.

~~~Tommy POV~~~

The beach? How the hell was I supposed to manage that? Even if I don't see it, deep down I know I'm not exactly a healthy weight, and I don't look healthy. Not to mention the cuts and bruises. Everyone had gone to their rooms to get changed and whatnot. I walked through the bathroom and through to Tubbo's room. "Hey Tubs?" I asked. "Hey Tommy! What's up?" He replied happily while getting his things ready, already wearing his swimsuit. "Do you have a swim shirt I could borrow?" You could sense a hint of nervousness in my voice, but I prayed he didn't notice. "Uh yeah actually I do! Why do you need one?" I thought quickly and hard to come up with something, which wasn't a difficult task considering how many things I've lied about before. "I just burn easily and forgot mine at home." I said confidently. "Oh alright big man." He said, throwing the shirt in my direction. "Thank youuuu..." I trailed off and left the room.

~~~~~~~

Tubbo, Wilbur, Karl, and myself all piled into Dream's car, with him driving of course, while Techno, George, Fundy, and Eret rode with Sapnap. Wilbur sat in the passengers seat, and I was stuck smushed between Karl and Tubbo. We were blasting a mix of Dream's and Wilbur's music, screaming the lyrics with the windows down. It was euphoric. "DROVE TWENTY HOURS, BY AN OCEAN, UP THE EAST COAST, WHAT A ROAD TRIP!!" We laughed and yelled the whole way there, not one of us being even remotely anything but happy. "We're here!" Dream called out as the others crawled out of Sapnap's car.

We settled on the burning sand after setting up a large tent cover to provide some shade. Before any of us had the chance to say anything, Wilbur picked me up over his shoulder and began running towards the water. I might be tall, but was probably half the size of him. So getting loose from his grasp was out of the picture. "Wilburrrrr... Put me downnnn~" I whined, but it was no use as I felt myself being thrown, and the cold feeling of water rushing over my entire body. I forgot to take a breath.

It took me a good 10 seconds before registering what was happening. I frantically tried to look around, but my eyes burned as I remembered that I was literally submerged under the ocean. Not being able to see just made me panic even more than I already was. I tried to swim to the surface, but to my avail, I had no luck. I was just beginning to accept the fact that I probably wasn't gonna be able to get myself out, when I felt a pair of hands wrap around my chest, under my arms.

I was hoisted just to the point where my head was in the air, and immediately started coughing up the water I had somehow managed to get in my system. Still coughing, I was pulled up to the shallow part of the water, and I felt someone slapping my back to help. I finished my little coughing fit, and was met with a few concerned faces all piling around me. "Wilbur what the hell?!" I heard Dream say. I whipped my head around to see who had picked me up, and to no surprise, there sat Karl with his hand still on my back. "Jesus christ Tommy I'm sorry... I just thought it'd be funny." I forced out a small laugh, my chest burning from basically choking. "Guys calm down I'm fine." "Tommy you literally almost just drowned... can you like not swim?" Fundy asked with a small giggle. "Yes I can swim asshole." I said while standing up, jokingly rolling my eyes. "I was just too shocked to comprehend anything." I laughed out. I saw Eret's eyes shoot down to my forearm. I nervously glanced down, and noticed my sleeve slightly pulled upwards. I discretely yanked it down, and to my luck, only Eret had noticed. Was it good that she saw? Nope. Is it better than all of them seeing? Absolutely.

~~~~~~~~~~

Word count - 1120

ahhhh hey yall sorry for not updating in a while, but holy shit thank you so much for over 13 thousand fucking reads you're all genuinely insane. also some of my irl friends are reading this now so uh it's awkward to write😀🤚🏻