let me live. a tommyinnit angst.

eight.

OH MY GOD BEFORE WE START I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR 1K READS AND ALMOST 100 VOTES THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INSANE THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

//TW//anxiety//panic attack mention//throwing up//

//CW//slight claustrophobia//very slight death mention (in song lyrics)//

~~~Tommy POV~~~

Planes. God I hate planes. They're just small cramped places over 30,000 feet in the air. What is there to like about them? And on top of that I have to be in here with an already suspicious Wilbur and a possibly worried Tubbo? How much worse can it get?

We boarded the plane, found our seats, and all sat down. I was in the middle, Tubbo in the window seat, and Wilbur next to the isle. "Okay guys the flight is obviously pretty long so try to get some sleep alright?" Wilbur said, his voice full of care. "But I'm too excited to sleep!!" Tubbo pleaded. "Tubs I'm pretty sure we all are but at least try okay?" I said, full knowing he'll probably be out cold within the next half hour. "Ugh, fine."

I decided it'd probably be a good idea to listen to some music and try to get some rest. I mean it might be only midday but why not. It's gonna be hard to stay up tonight with the time zone change. I put in my earbuds and let the music engulf my head.

Everyone I love is gonna die
And I, will die, as well
I think about this before I sleep
And have, since I was a child

(ayo can any of you guess the song lol)

In my life, will I make a difference?
In my death, will I be missed?
Will I be gra-

I was interrupted by a tapping on my shoulder. I pulled out my earbuds and looked over at who was tapping. "Oh, hey Will, what's up?" I asked. "Uhm, not much. I just wanted to ask you a question." He said, worry lacing his words. "O-oh, yeah, I mean sure, go ahead." I said stuttering. "How have you been Tommy?" I could tell how concerned he was just by the way he looked at me, as if I were about to just spill everything wrong in my life to him. I mean don't get me wrong, I would love to just rant for hours to this man, but I know I wouldn't be able to. For the last time, I hate when people worry about me. I usually just feel guilty afterwards, because it's no one else's job to make sure my damn mental state is okay.

Tell him you're fine.

Thanks, but I was going to anyway. "I've been pretty good I'd say, w-why do you ask?" I mean I already knew the answer to that but whatever. "Tommy your mother told me." I felt my heart sink to my stomach. Well obviously I already knew she talked to him but that didn't stop me from slightly freaking out. "O-oh u-uh how much- er- what did she tell you?" I asked, miserably failing at hiding my panic. "Hey, hey, calm down. It's okay Tommy, I'm not gonna make fun of you." He looked at me, most likely trying to hide his own sadness. "Okay, w-well what did she tell you?" I asked for the second time. "Well, she told me that you have pretty intense anxiety and have panic attacks, but that's about it." I took a huge sigh of relief. "Just know that I'm here for you okay? We all are." He said, signaling to Tubbo. Oh shit. Tubbo's still here. I jerk my head to the other side, just to see the shorter boy sleeping with his head rested against the window. "Okay, thanks Wil." I said with a soft smile, which he returned.
(for the record i'm gonna start using wil instead of will because i think it looks better)

~~~time skip brought to you by the many feet of snow here in illinois~~~

Everything was going fine, Tubbo eventually woke up, and we were all laughing and making jokes, until I felt that one familiar feeling in my stomach. I immediately stop laughing and bolt upright. "Hey Toms you alright?" Wilbur asked. "Oh, uh, yeah. I just have to use the bathroom." They looked at me confused, but I just got up and walked over to the back of the plane. My head was spinning, and honestly I couldn't see straight. I basically stumbled into the bathroom, locked the door, and threw up into the toilet. I kinda just sat there, contemplating on what to do. I stood up and splashed my face with cold water before walking out, greeting a worried Wilbur and a confused Tubbo. "Hey guys!" I said, trying to sound cheery. "Tommy are you good?"
Tubbo started. "You literally walked in there like you were drunk." I looked around and saw basically half the people on board looking at me like I'm crazy. "Oh yeah no I'm fine, just motion sickness that's all." I was pretty proud of my lie if I'm being honest, considering the fact that their worry levels went down what looked like at least 10 notches. I sat back down, and we resumed our laughter and joke telling. It's been a while since I've felt genuinely happy, but being with my friends today felt euphoric. I can't even begin to imagine how amazing this trip is going to be. Oh wait. Did I just seriously forget about the fact that I'm gonna have to hide so much shit from everyone for weeks? My mood basically just instantly dropped, within seconds. They seemed to notice and they just decided to calm down and go back to doing their own thing.

~~~time skip~~~

"Attention to everyone on board flight 420, from Brighton, England, to Orlando, Florida! We will be landing shortly, so please remain seated with your seatbelts on at all times. Thank you!" we heard the flight attendant say over the intercom. Tubbo genuinely looked like he was about to explode with excitement. If we're being honest here, if I said I wasn't excited I'd be lying.

Welp. Here goes nothing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

word count - 1044

aaannnndddd boom! another chapter done. First off I'm so sorry that it's been a few days since my last update! I've just been having horrible writers block recently so its just getting pretty difficult to write. second off, WE HIT 1k READS!! that's so incredible thank you all so much for the immense support this book has been getting i love every single one of you more than you could ever know.❤️