let me live. a tommyinnit angst.

fourteen.

hey guys!! sorry for not updating for like a week lol, but how in the name of god do we have over 6k reads- what the hell- also i'm very sorry that i left you all in tears😀

//TW//self harm//suicidal thoughts//crying//

~~~Tommy POV~~~

"Is it okay if I have some time to myself? I need to- uh- think." I said, wanting nothing more than to just be alone right now. He simply told me to get some sleep and left, and I couldn't help but feel so so guilty at the fact that he was crying. I deserved the bruises, but he nowhere near deserves to deal with my weakness.

I stood up and walked into mine and Tubbo's bathroom, rolled up my sleeves, and found the small, shiny blade I kept in a little secret spot in the mirror cabinet. Without thinking twice I pierced my skin, accidentally opening another cut. "Fuck..." I whisper yelled as the dark red liquid seeped from my arm. In all honesty it hurt like a bitch, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I could hear Karl sobbing from Wilbur's room, which just made me even more upset with myself.

Look at you. You're worthless. So worthless your mom left you to deal with your dad!! And letting Karl see you like that? That's just embarrassing. They'd honestly prefer it if you were just gone you know? Just end it.

I most likely would've just ended it right then and there if it weren't for the key factors that my head was pounding out of my skull, I couldn't see straight from the tears clouding my vision like the countless times before, and was all in all about to pass out. "Not... here." I thought out loud. I stood up, which I immediately regretted due to stumbling and catching myself on the counter. I somehow managed to walk over to the plain bed, laid down, and immediately was out like a light.

~~~~~~~~

I awoke the next day with the sun shining in my face. I groaned before rolling over, and to my surprise my phone read 1:24pm. "What the hell..." I muttered to myself, unsure as to why I was up so late, but the foggy memories of the previous night rushed into my head harder than a tidal wave. Tears pricked at my eyes, but any other liquid in my body seemed to be drained, so they refused to fall. Oh shit. Karl. Sapnap. Hell, even Wilbur. Any of them! How in the name of god am I supposed to talk to them or even be in their presence. As much as I wanted to just fall back asleep and just simply not wake up, I knew that deep down I'd eventually have to interact with them in one way or another. It was inevitable.

~~~Karl POV~~~

I was too scared to be left alone with my own thoughts last night, so Wilbur ended up letting me sleep in his room. Honestly both of us were pretty heavily shaken up. My eyes fluttered open in the unfamiliar room, but soon realized where I was, although Wilbur was nowhere to be found. I stood up slowly as the events from last night rushed into my head. Why did it have to be him. It could've been anyone. But Tommy? THE Tommyinnit? He's 16 years old for gods sake. I blinked again to recollect my thoughts, and decided to head downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen and was met with tons of concerned and worried stares. The tension was so thick, you probably wouldn't be able to cut it with an 1000 degree burning knife. "G-good morning." I croaked out, realizing how raspy my voice was, and taking account of how puffed up my eyes felt. Before anyone could say anything else Wilbur walked up to me with obvious hurt in his gaze, and enclosed me in a tight hug. It didn't last long though as Tubbo spoke up. "What happened..." He trailed off, whispering.

~~~~~~~~~

word count - 714

guys i'm literally so sorry for the short ass chapter i promise i have some upcoming ideas but it's taking forever to piece them together. anyways today's my birthday lol here's a birthday chapter<3