Bad Boys Never Change

New Years Eve Party

Barbara and her family are hosting the New Years Eve party this year and me and the kids are going as is everyone else. I haven't spoke to Bobby since the Christmas day drama and he never turned up for dinner in the week which he always does do, so I know we are both avoiding now.

I go over to Reseda to pick up Emily, Mike and Bodhi and bring them back to mine as we can walk to Barbara's from mine and it will save them the taxi fare.

"So are you wearing the necklace Bobby gave you tonight?" Mike says laughing.

"Fucking hell Emily how could you tell him? if Dutch finds out..." 

"I wouldnt say shit to Dutch, do you think I'm crazy. He would rip Bobby a part." Mike says cutting me off.

"What are you going to do about it Ness, Bobby clearly is in love with you, what's going to happen when Dutch comes out. I mean I've got to ask, is something going on? Do you love him?"

"No, no, no! I'm so messed up. I would never ever leave Dutch and have no intention of doing so and I've never cheated with Bobby and I'm getting pissed off with people accusing me of that, but I cant lie I know there is something there, I do feel something but I dont know whether it's just because Bobby has been there for me during this whole time and we have been so close and each others comfort and shoulder to cry on."

"Fucking hell cuz, if I was you I would stay well away from Bobby until Dutch comes out otherwise you two are going to end in a world of trouble." Mike says shaking his head.

"Yeah honey I knew there was something between the two of you, but didnt know if you and Bobby realised how much you felt for each other. This is bad, you do need to stay away from each other, you dont need the temptation. Just think Dutch will be home soon and it will all be ok, I bet as soon as he is home all your feelings for Bobby will disappear I'm sure of it."

I hoped she was right as I hated feeling like this totally torn in two different directions by two completely different men.

We drop my car off, grab the kids who are moaning about leaving the house and all walk over to Barbara's for the party.

We are at the party for about an hour when Bobby walks in with a woman and introduces her as one of his parishioners called Angela and for some reason I feel I've been stabbed in the heart and hate myself for feeling this way and judging the woman that I've never met before.

I go to the kitchen and start drinking I feel that I really need one right now. 

"Hey are you ok? That's a bit of a shock isnt it?" Emily says pointing at Bobby and his date.

"No I'm pleased for him, he deserves to be happy."

"Hmm ok sweetie that would sound more convincing if you didn't say that through gritted teeth." She says shaking her head sadly at me.

"I have no right to feel this way, I'm a married woman."

"I know honey but I guess you've always had this bond, but it's for the best if he does move on as then there wont be this weird thing between the two of you."

I down my glass of gin and try not to look over at Bobby. "Come on Emily let's grab a drink and find Mike as it's nearly midnight and I want to see the New Year in with my kids and you guys." I take her hand and go to find the others.

We count down from 10 and I kiss the kids as we all shout happy new year and i hug my cousin and Emily. Bobby walks over to us and hugs the kids and wishes them a happy new year but as he goes to embrace me I coldly turn my back on him to talk to Mike and I feel like a pathetic bitch for doing so.