After Rammstein

It'll Be Okay...

Reesh was obviously upset "you okay?" He didn't answer... "Reesh?" I asked more gentle hoping to get any response from him but alas, I got none. "Reesh please, say something?" His head slowly turned to mine "don't Reesh please me! You did this on purpose didn't you?! I bet so!" What? No! "No! How did I do this? I don't have balls with sperm in them..." I muttered "very funny Ivy, I can't be its father" my eyes widened, he's already denying my baby? "You... Don't.. Think you're..the dad?" I couldn't keep the sadness and betrayal from my voice "no! I mean, I'm old enough to be your dad Ivy! This isn't supposed to happen!" I wish he would go back to the silent treatment because his yelling sucks "it was the first night we did it... You used the pull out method, it must not have worked" I looked to the ground almost ashamed of myself... Why? I don't know. "I've used that method hundreds of times! It's never failed me then!" I frowned, I don't want to hear about the countless women he's been with... "It'll be okay.. You'll be a great dad" I tried lightning the atmosphere a little... "No! I won't! There's no way it's mine!" Why is he doing this? "I've only been with you! You know that!" He got up and began pacing "but afterwards! You must've been with someone else! I couldn't have done this to us!" Why is he talking about the baby like its a bother? I mean what the hell? "I've only been with you! Why would you think I've been with others?! I've not left your sight the entire trip!" I yelled obviously my anger and hormones getting the better of me "I don't even know anymore! Maybe it's Till's, you slept at his house for christ's sake! And then went on a date with him!" My mouth fell open in disgust "don't even say that! You were my first! And the only reason I slept at Till's house was because you left me there! What the hell was I supposed to do?!" He shook his head and by this time I was standing up leaning against the wall "I want a paternity test!" Man, fuck you! Reesh isn't being Reesh at all! He's being a huge dick! "Fine! I'll give you all the damn paternity tests you want! I'll take a damn lie detector test to if you want! That way you can feel like a complete ass when it turns up I'm telling the truth!" He scoffed "I should've known you were one of those girls! The ones that are so clingy and scared of losing someone that they go and get themselves knocked up and pin it on the other person!" So that's what he thinks of me? I see... "I knew this was all a mistake!" I gasped "I-I was a... Mistake?" I felt the tears pour over now... I watched as his face fell from anger to regret. Well screw him! "Okay..." Was all I said as I grabbed my suitcase "what are you doing?!" Richard yelled "I'm leaving! I don't want me or our baby to burden you any further!" I began packing whatever I could find of mine, while Richard just sat down on the side of the bed "look Ivy I'm sorry-" I held my hand up and shook my head "it's obvious you don't want me or the baby.. I'll take care of it" I choked out while collecting the last of my things in the bathroom I grabbed my purse and keys "are you going back to America?" I shook my head "I'm going to wait the trip out..." And with a small nod from him I was out the door lugging my bags behind me... Now to find another hotel.

I put my bags in the trunk and sat in the car. I completely lost it then... I laid my hand on my stomach "it's not your fault, little baby. I'm sure daddy loves you, but just know mommy does for sure" I cried out to the baby... Can it even hear me? I'll need to go to a doctor about this.. I need to tell my parents. But for now I'm going to find a decent hotel to spend my last week in. I began driving, not knowing where I was.. But I kept going. It made me feel somewhat better knowing that I wasn't alone in this... I had the baby. The baby that was harboring in my stomach... I'm already in love with it... I hope it's a girl but I'll love it just as much if it's a boy! I hope whatever it is will look like Richard, God help the kid if they look like what I did growing up... I'd hate to see my child pray for puberty to make them gorgeous at a young age. But I know they'll be beautiful none the less to me.

I finally found something that looked like a hotel so I went in. There was a woman at the counter "hallo!" I smiled wiping my tear stained face "hi, do you speak English?" She shook her head not knowing what I said... Crap. I finally got the wise idea, I held up my finger signaling her to wait a moment and I dialed Flake... He's the only one I'd trust in this situation.. "Ivy?" I smiled at the salvation in his voice "Christian! I need your help, can you tell this lady I need a hotel room?" I didn't need to see his face to tell he was confused "wait...what happened to your other room? Where's Richard?" I sniffled "he... We're not together anymore" I choked again, the woman at the desk was giving me a pitiful look she obviously really wanted to help "oh.. Put the phone on speaker" I did as I was told "ok, it's on" I pointed the lady towards the phone hoping she'd listen "sie würde ein Hotelzimmer bitte mögen" (she would like a hotel room please) the woman nodded and I sighed in relief "Ivy, is this still on speaker?" I shook my head then remembered that he can't see me "no" my voice sounder hoarse and pained. "I'm coming over.. With some of the guys" I smiled a little "please..don't bring..Till" I pleaded "I won't but I'll be right there, text me your hotel number" I said ok and hung up... Thank you world for that man.. He's truly the best.

She handed me a key card with the number '15' on it.. She the picked up a chart in English that explained it would be on the third floor, I nodded and tipped her heavily with ten extra euros.. This woman is obviously a caring person. I carried my bags to the elevator and got in while pressing the button. I patted my stomach realizing that I have to be more careful now... It's not only me anymore. It's me and the baby... That Richard wants nothing to do with. The bell dinged and the doors opened. I began searching for the fifteenth room, not that it was hard to find.. As I walked in I noticed it was a nice size the living room was big! And the kitchen was bigger than the previous hotel.. I ran to the bedroom dropping my baggage down and plopping on the singular bed in the middle of the room. It's nice and cozy.. I patted my belly "this is our home for the week.." I knew what kind of mother I wanted to be... The one that cares. I'm going to talk to my child, even if they can't hear me well then at least they'll feel loved.

I'm not sure how long I was laying there but I must've fell asleep because I eventually heard loud knocking on the door.. Who could that be? Oh! Flake! That's right! I ran to the door to see him and three others with him "hallo ivy" I smiled my weak smile "hey, come on in" i welcomed them. First flake strolled through then Christoph followed by Oliver but last but not least Paul was last. "So, Ivy...what happened?" I sat on the chair as the four men sat on the rather large couch "I wasn't feeling good this morning, so I went out o buy some medicine.. Well while I was out I noticed a pregnancy test and I grabbed one for like an old times sake deal thing that I used to do with my cousin
Lotus.." Their eyes were already popping out of their skulls knowing damn well what I was about to say.. "Well... I took it and after an hour I checked it... It was positive" I heard gasps as they held their faces in their hands. "Well, I told Richard and.. He got upset. Very upset. He started saying it was t his baby.. That it was probably Till's, and he said I was a mistake..." I stopped at that not wanting to go on anymore "oh my god..." Christoph finally broke the silence. "That's the worst story I've ever heard..." Commented Oliver, yeah.. You and me both, buddy.

It was apparent no one knew what to say or do... "Can I feel your stomach?" I laughed at Oliver's odd request "I'm only a few weeks along, you won't be able to feel it" he shrugged and I nodded, he placed his hand on my stomach... I couldn't help but think that, this is what Richard should have done when I told him the news... The guys took turns feeling my stomach. "Why'd he think it was Till's?" Flake asked all of a sudden "because of that night I stayed at his house.. But I told him, he's the one that left me there! What was I supposed to do?" The guys nodded..

Eventually they had to go, be with their own families I guess. Each one hugged me on the way out except Oliver put his hand on my stomach again "it'll be okay, he'll come around" he murmured to it. I couldn't help but smile. He perked back up and waved before leaving me to my activities which included eating a whole lot of room service cake... It was kinda gross but hey if the baby likes it then who am I to judge? "We're going to be just fine, little one" I whispered to it... And for the first time since leaving that hotel room I believed it.. Me and my baby we're not alone, we had Christoph, Flake and Oliver plus paul! That's all we need! Together we'll be strong and we'll love each other forever! We won't need Richard to 'complete' us, because we'll have each Other!