In Your Dreams

22.

"So you're really going back to work tomorrow." Deacon asked me with a pout on his face as he drank his morning coffee.

"Yes." I said firmly, we'd been over this multiple times and he never really liked the idea. "I have to, it's my job. It's what went to school for. Its.."

"Your life." He said in a way that cause a pang in my chest, "I know."

"I'm sorry." I sighed "If you'd rather we not do this let me know. I know how hard it was last time."

"I just want more time with you Mer." He said honestly "I don't want to be drowned in loneliness like last time."

"Ok." I agreed with a gulp "I'll not work so many long hours." He looked solemnly at me but something in his eyes told me he had more to say "What?"

"Did you have a boyfriend?"

"What!" I gasped and nearly spit out my coffee.

"Well when we were apart before, were you seeing anyone. Because if you were it would be ok."

"No." I scoffed and shook my head vehemently "I was buried in work, I didn't have time to see anyone."

"Oh." He shrugged as his eyes went back to the paper "Ok."

"Why do you ask?"

"Well it's just the way that brain doctor looks at you." He mumbled "It's like you two had something before."

"No." I laughed "I've never met Dr. Shepherd before in my life. I don't even know him."

That brought a smile to Deacon's face as he lowered the paper "Ok, well I just wanted to ask."

"Ok." I smiled and rose from the table "Well I better go."

"Where are you going?" he frowned "You don't go to work until tomorrow."

"I know." I nodded "But there's some things I need to take care of before I get back to saving lives."

He didn't argue as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek before I walked out the door. I wasn't lying. There was something that I had to do before I could consciously save lives. Because my conscious was heavy and wouldn't let me rest. I needed to muster up all my strength, and I couldn't let anyone who knew me go. For starters they'd never allow it.

I drove through the Seattle streets and across the interstate. My eyes glanced over as I saw the ferry boats and craved a ride, but it would have to wait. If I stopped or stalled now, I'd never get it done. I pulled into the parking lot and locked my car behind me as I walked toward the barred entrance. I flashed the guard my ID and he smiled as he let me in. After getting inside I stopped at the window and offered the woman inside my purse, jacket and everything in my pockets.

A loud buzzing sound rang through the small room as the door opened for me and a guard frisked me before letting me down a long cold hallway. As I was about four yards from the next door I had to go through it opened and about the last person I expected to see in here passed through. Our eyes met instantly and I felt my cheeks burn as my lips curled up into a smile. His did too but his eyes looked confused. My mind was too clouded.

"Meredith?" he breathed my name just as sweetly as any other time "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." I said as I stopped so we could talk.

"They called me in on a consult for PDR case." He explained, I felt a shiver shoot down my spine. "You ok?" he asked and his hand rested on my arm. Apparently my shiver was visible.

"Yeah," I smiled "It's just a little cold in here." I was speaking both figuratively and metaphorically.

"What are you doing here?" he asked me again. I stared with words unable to break free from my throat to escape, but suddenly his eyes grew wide with understanding. As if he'd read my mind again, like he knew exactly what I was doing here "Meredith!"

"I have to." I gulped with a pleading sigh "I have to do this."

And then, as if he understood just as easily as he'd read my mind. His eyes softened and a sense of protection settled in them.

"Can I ask one thing?"

"Of course." I nodded.

"For my own peace of mind, may I go with you and stand in the room."

"I'm a big girl." I giggled, now his eyes were pleading and I felt my breath stolen from me as I gulped "Of course."

"Thank you." He smiled.

The guard ushered the both of us through the door of the visitors room and Derek, as promised stood in the corner as the guard pointed at a seat, I took it. I felt my hands shake as I waiting for them to bring the man in an orange jumpsuit in. And finally they did, as he sat down on the other side of the glass his eyes looked at me with shock and a little bit rage. I gulped as I picked up the phone, he did too.

"You're alive." He muttered in his thick accent that gave me the jitters. "You were dead."

"No." I gulped "I was close though."

"Did your little boyfriend find you." He glared over my shoulder.

"Boyfriend?" I scoffed and shook my head "No, he's just a friend."

"Could've fooled me."

"Look this isn't why I came here."

"Oh." His brow raised "Did you come to ask me why? Did you come to tell me what a horrible person I am. Did you come to ask what my mother did wrong in raising me?" he laughed "Go head, ask me."

"I forgive you." I gulped, confusion and shock washed over his face and he was speechless "I came here to say that I forgive you."

He was still speechless but his eyes looked enraged. My hands started shaking spastically and I hung up the phone, he started yelling but I couldn't hear him. I watched as the guards grabbed him and drug him off. I got up and shuffled quickly to the door as my breathing stifled and tears burned my eyes. I didn't expect to feel so terrified, but I did what I had to do. I got out into the hallway and felt a pair of arms wrap strongly around my and my cheek press into a warm chest as the first tear fell.

"I'm sorry." I gasped "I'm sorry that was stupid."

"It was brave." He said soothingly as his hand grazed up and down my shaking back "It was very, very brave."

I sniffled and smiled as I pulled my head off his chest and looked into his breathtaking eyes and smiled.

"So we're friends now?" he asked. I grinned.

"We're friends."