In Your Dreams

33.

After surgery I found her passed out in an on-call room, her cheeks had tear streaks and a manila envelope was tossed across the floor. I sighed heavily, I knew exactly what was in that envelope and I was probably just as pissed about it as she was. I'd been waiting patiently, and I would continue to do so, but her patience was wearing thin, and it was threatening her morale. That I would not have.

I grabbed the envelope and left the hospital without notice. It was a wet afternoon in Seattle, no surprise. I tossed the envelope in the passenger seat of my BMW and drove to my destination, luckily traffic wasn't too bad at that point, and I got there in 20 minutes. I parked in front of the house just as the rain slowed to a drizzle. I saw a car in the drive way and sighed, I had to take cleansing breaths and tell myself that I was here for one purpose and not to fulfill my vicious fantasies.

I grabbed the envelope and walked up to the door and gave it a rough knock. I heard a soft shuffle inside and footsteps reach the door. It opened and my blue eyes met a pair of brown ones. He looked caught off guard for a moment and then worried. He put the door between himself and me, barely sticking his face into the opening.

"I'm not here to kick your ass." I assured him, he looked relieved "God knows I want to, but it won't help anything...so I won't."

"Oh." He nodded and relaxed his stature "Well I wasn't worried."

Uh-huh.

"What are you doing here?"

I held up the envelope and his eyes gained a look of understanding. "I'm here to ask you to sign these."

"I've sent them back." He sighed "three times."

"I know." I muttered

"I'm not signing them." He shrugged and started to close the door, my hand flew up and slammed against it. He gasped as the door was thrown into the wall and he skipped back onto his socked heels. "Dude, what the fuck! Why can't you guys see that maybe I don't want t a divorce."

"Maybe you don't." I hissed "Or maybe you do and you're just trying to screw with her. Don't you think she's been through enough!"

"Why should I sign my marriage away!" he defended "Just so you can go fuck her?"

"Meredith is my friend." I said with all restraint I could muster "I'm not here as her boyfriend, or lover, I'm here as a friend. And you're hurting her."

"I don't give a shit, she hurt me too."

"Then do it because you owe her."

"I owe her?" he sounded like the idea was preposterous.

"Yes!" I growled "You owe her! You may not like her, you may be angry and upset, and god knows I would be too if I lost a woman like her. But for god sakes do it for all you owe her. Do it for the woman who stood by you for all those years, do it for the woman who always gave you the benefit of the doubt, do it for the woman who supported and loved you. Do it for her."

Deacon looked at me for a long cold second, I was almost sure that my little speech hadn't worked, and then he gulped and yanked the envelope out of my hand and tore it open.

"Got a pen?"

I shuffled around my pocket and found one right away. "Thank you." I whispered.
He scribbled his name in all the appropriate places and handed it to me with a sigh. "Tell her I'm sorry." He mumbled "For everything."

I nodded just as he slammed the door in my face. I scoffed as I stumbled back and made myself go straight to my car. It started pouring just as I closed my door and traffic was backed up, so it took a good hour to get back to the hospital and I was sure that everyone was wondering where I was. I walked in through the ER and sure enough, Meredith stumbled out of a curtain and rammed right into me.

"Shit!" she gasped as I caught her from falling to the floor "I've been looking for you everywhere! Where have you been?"

"I." I started to say but glanced around and saw too many nurses in ear shot so I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the nearest supply closet.

"Derek!" she hissed. My lips sealed against hers and a passionate kiss and her anger quickly melted away and turned into a giggle "Ok, what's this about?" she asked as soon as I released her lips.

"I knew I shouldn't have meddled." I said as I held out the envelope "But here."

She frowned and looked reluctantly as she opened the envelope and slid the papers out, she gasped with delight to see his signature on the bottom under hers and I swear I heard her squeal. The papers got dropped when she threw her arms around me, I picked her up and pushed her against the wall as our lips went into a frenzy of heat and lust. She moaned as my hands moved up her hips and slid under her shirt to feel the smooth coolness of her skin.

I felt my big boy starting to wake up and peek his head out of his hole. I groaned and she picked up on it right away, she ground the inside of her hips against my budding erection and smirked against my lips. My brain shut off and instinct took over, my hands moved up and cupped around the satin covering her perfect breasts and massaged until I felt her nipples start to perk through the thin material. And then she started to giggle...Giggle?! Was it funny?

"Derek." She moaned as she gently pushed me back "Not here."

"Why not." My instinct insisted, I didn't want to be done, I didn't want to stop. "No one will come in right now."

"Maybe." She sighed "Maybe not... but it's not...appropriate for our first time."

"Well we can pretend this never happened." I smirked "We'll do romantic later...I'm good at pretending."

"Derek." She laughed and pushed me further, this was definitely not the reaction I wanted. I pouted.

"I want it to be special with you. I didn't have a lot of special before. And I want special... I want..." she sighed as her mind spun in circles "I want candlelight, and flowers, and candy, and white horses and...radio's serenading me at midnight outside my bedroom window, I want..."

I felt my heart sink a little "A fantasy." I finished.

"Yes!" her eyes lit up with a smile.

"Meredith." I mumbled as I took her hands into mine "I'm not a fantasy." Her smile dropped as she looked incredulous "I'm a man, I'm human. I'll make mistakes and I'll be an asshole. I'll try not to but I know it'll happen. I'll get horny in supply closets and on park benches. I'm not a fantasy, I'm not perfect, I'm human...but I will..." I gulped as I remembered her not wanting to say it yet...oh what the hell "I will always love you. But I'm not a fantasy."

I'm not sure what was going on in her mind, but her face screamed heartbroken. She pulled her hands quickly from mine, grabbed her divorce papers off the floor and was out the door before I could say the word flaccid. Was I sorry I said what I did? Not necessarily...Was I kicking my ass right now...you betcha.