In Your Dreams

24.

Deacon was quick to make up for his actions once we got home. But I could tell that a gray cloud loomed over my colleagues at work the next day. I hadn't seen Derek all morning and Mark wouldn't hardly look at me. It's like they acted as if they did look at me some hidden secret would come out. But I was excited, to be back at work and getting into the swing of things. I saw Lexie standing in the hallway reviewing a patient's chart and I made a B-line for her, I needed someone to talk to.

"Hey." I said, her head popped up and I got a sympathy look.

"Hey." She smiled "How are you doing?"

"Fine, great." I nodded "I'm happy to be back."

"I mean, well about you and Deacon."

"We're fine. He was just upset about not spending enough time together."

"You've been with him constantly for the last two months." She laughed mockingly "He should know that you have other people that care about you too."

"I know." I gulped "He knows that."

"Mer," she sighed "Just because you're working on things doesn't mean that you have to bend over backwards and change who you are there are....people. People who like you just as you are."

"I know that Deacon is a little stressed out and rough around the edges right now." I defended "But I shouldn't have to explain his actions. He misses me. He missed me." Derek's face flashed through my mind as I said that for some reason unknown to me "If I should have to explain anyone's feelings it should be Derek's."

"What?" she frowned "What about Derek."

"Well he's nice." I said "But he's always everywhere. And he looks at me like...well I don't know. But I'm a married woman and I can't act on that kind of thing you know? So sometimes I just want to tell him to stop looking at me like that. It's just...it's wrong. And Deacon, he was there. He's always been there. He was upset and looking for me when I was gone. He deserves more time with me."

"Meredith." Lexie put her hand up to stop my rambling, her eyes grew dark and stern "Let me stop you there. Because I can't stay silent about this any longer. I tried to give Deacon the benefit of the doubt because you love him and he's your husband. But there's something you should know."

"What?" I asked as my head spun a little.

"Deacon wasn't there Meredith." She said softly "As soon as the police said you were dead he wasted no time moving on. He never called to see if there were any leads. He moved a hot little just out of high school girl in with him and never looked back. Derek." She said as I felt my eyes burn "Derek was the one who looked for you. Derek is the one who never gave up, and he didn't even know you. But he knew that you needed help, and he was the only one of us who had hope. We're all at fault Meredith, but don't let him fool you. The only one who deserves any honor among us is Derek."

I was speechless. I couldn't believe that Deacon lied to me, and I'd believed it. I looked up over her shoulder just then and saw the one and only step out of a patient's room down the hall, his eyes met my tear filled ones and he looked concerned.

I pushed past Lexie and walked towards him swiftly. His eyes searched mine as I sniffled and stopped in front of him. The man I owed my life to, the man I was breathing for. I placed my hands on the sides of his cheeks and tipped up onto my toes as I leaned in and pressed my lips firmly against his. I felt him shiver in surprise as my lips softly sucked on his for a few long seconds, then pulled myself back and looked through my tears at him.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he whispered.

I sniffled and gave more meaning into it than I meant to, or perhaps I did.

"For never giving up."

I turned and disappeared down the hallway and into the stairwell as I let the rest of my tears fall. I didn't know what to do about Deacon. I needed to talk to him, to see what happened and why he lied. I didn't want to give up...but I didn't want him to give up on me either...and I'm not talking about Deacon.