In Your Dreams

28.

Ouch is the understatement of the day, or at least the past two weeks since she told me to back off. I didn't want to, not even close. She was hurting in every aspect and all I wanted to do was cradle her in my arms and never let her go. But she needed space and I was smart enough to recognize that. I know that after my divorce, I just wanted to be left alone, it was my mess and I didn't want to burden anyone else, I know how she felt, but that just made it so much harder to stay away too.

"How is Meredith doing?" I mumbled next to Lexie in the lunch line.

Yes I was resorting to asking her sister about her, I felt juvenile about it but I wanted to respect her space. Luckily for me she welcomed my inquisitions. I almost liked to think that Lexie was on my side and after Meredith had her space would be urging me to pursue her.

"She's coping." She said "Her lawyer finally got everything together so she could file, and Deacon will be served by weeks end. As long as he doesn't contest anything the divorce will be over and done with in a few months."

"For her sake I hope he doesn't contest." I muttered "That man's put her through enough."

"If he wants to keep living he better not." Lexie promised. I felt like we were some type of mafia all secretly banning together to protect our girl at all costs. I paid for my things and turned to tell Lexie goodbye when she smiled "You're sitting with us today right?"

What she meant was that she wanted me to sit at the same table that Meredith was sitting at, I stammered and shifted.

"I well.." I mumbled "I usually just sit alone."

"There's no reason for you to sit alone." She shook her head "You should sit with us, there's no harm."

"I'm giving her space Lex." I said "She wants space so I'm respecting that."

"So sit across the table and don't look at her, I don't care, but you shouldn't have to isolate yourself from the rest of us, what is this, junior high?"

She had a point. "Ok."

I followed Lexie over to a table where Mark and Meredith were already seated, along with that Cristina girl that always looked like she had a stick up her ass, her boyfriend Owen Hunt was in line probably getting them both food, she seemed to have him on a leash, when she said jump he asked how high. Meredith glanced up as I sat down, I saw her smile for a split second before I diverted my eyes to Mark.

"Hey, how was your brachioplasty this morning?" I asked.

"It went fine." Mark said as his brow lifted curiously "I didn't realize you had any interest in the removal of excess underarm skin."

"Just making friendly conversation." I said as I tried to gain back my appetite. "Lex, how is your patient in 3012 doing?"

"Good." She nodded as she munched on a soft pretzel "Dr. Bailey let me use the bovie."

"Bailey is intense, and I'll admit scary at times." I said "But I think underneath it all she's a good person who loves to teach."

"Tough love." Cristina said from across the table "There's nothing wrong with that."

"Yes, but you don't want to be so tough you push the people you love away." I said before I could stop myself, all sounds around the table stopped and I realized the meaning behind what I said "But yeah, tough love is good sometimes. How is your humpty dumpty case going Dr. Yang?"

"Fine." She frowned "Why do you care?"

"I don't, but it's been a while since I sat down at the table with others I'm making conversation."

"Oh." She shrugged "Well it'll go fine, why? Because I am on the case."

Egotistical much? My eyes swept over to Meredith finally, she looked at me eagerly awaiting me to question her. I felt my hands clammy and sweaty, I dropped them in my lap before she could see them shake. I felt like I was in junior high, looking at my crush across the table and unaware of the right thing to say. Why did she have to look so warm and inviting? It wasn't making it easy to stay away from her, it wasn't making it hard to say how I really felt.

"Dr. Grey." I said formally, her eyes lit up "Would you....would you pass me the salt?"

Her eyes fell into confusion a little and she nodded and grabbed the salt shaker that was just as close to her as it was to me and stretched across the table, I nodded as I took it and placed my eyes back to my salad as I shook unneeded salt all over it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a look of discomfort and maybe even disappointment rush across her face as I went to munching on my salad and listened to Mark telling Lexie about his last surgery.

She got up and left, mentioning something about having a patient. I felt wounded, like I'd hurt her or something. I didn't want to hurt her, I was just doing what I was told. She said "Back the hell off." So I was, and now she was going to be mad at me for it? Make up your damn mind woman!