In Your Dreams

29.

I was starting to slightly regret my decision to tell Derek to back off, or perhaps specified more on how far he should back up. I was angry that day, and I shouldn't have taken it out on him, to be honest Derek was innocent and he didn't deserve my outlashing. He had definitely backed off, resorting to hardly talking to me and just saying a formal hello in passing. I missed him, it surprised me but I couldn't deny it.

I wondered if he was simply respecting my wishes or if he had lost interest in me, had I pushed him too far? I wasn't ready to be in a relationship, not at all, but I knew that when I was ready, I wanted to be in one with Derek. He was the perfect guy, just in my life at an imperfect time. I was a train wreck right now and I didn't want him to be caught in the carnage. However, his short little I'm ignoring you glances were pissing me off to be frank.

"Hey." Lexie caught me in the lobby on my way out that evening "Heading home?"

"Yeah." I sighed exhaustedly "I need some R and R."

"How about stopping at Joe's with me for a bit?"

"I don't know Lex." I groaned "I'm so tired."

"And stressed?" she asked, I nodded "Then a nice stiff drink will do you good."
I couldn't argue with that. "Ok."

She wrapped her arm around mine and led the way across the street. When we got there Mark and Christina and Owen had already claimed a table by the dart board. I sat down next to Lexie as I listened in on their conversation about who's surgery was better that day. I heard a warm chuckle come from the bar and glanced up instinctively and settled on his warm smile, but felt sick to my stomach when I saw his happy sound reflecting onto a lanky brunette.

She laughed along with him and placed her hand on his chest to keep herself held up, I suddenly felt the desire to break that hand off. I gasped to myself in surprise of the strong emotion, Derek was a single, free to date whoever he wanted man. And maybe he just didn't want me anymore, he had the right to choose whoever he wanted. I saw him gesture towards the table and felt a knot in my throat cut off my oxygen supply as they got up from the bar and headed my way. Derek stalled a moment and his eyes widened when they clashed with my irritated green ones but he followed her to the table. I tried not to glare.

"Everyone, this is Aimee." He introduced nervously avoiding my eyes.

"Hi." They all said casually.

"Christina, Mark, Lex, anyone else want a drink?" he asked looking at everyone but me. I'm sure my cheeks were burning at this point, I felt hot.

"Vodka tonic for me." Christina blurted.

"Cosmo for me." Lexie said. She turned to me "Mer?"

"I'll get my own." I muttered as I stood up and marched to the bar.

"What'll it be for the little lady tonight?" Joe teased, I wasn't amused "Bad night?"

"I'll have a double shot of tequila, not the cheap kind." I said, then glanced over my shoulder to the table "And a beer."

"What kind, I have four different on tap."

"Just something cheap." I muttered "And bitter."

Joe raised his brow and complied, he grabbed a double shot glass and filled it with tequila, then as he went to grab a large mug of beer I quickly shot it down, he looked shocked as he saw the empty shot glass when he returned with the beer. I laid a few large bills on the bar and then carried the beer back to the table. Just as Derek started laughing at his own joke, Christina made eye contact with me as I approached the back of Derek's chair, her mouth opened and out spilled the beer. A loud gasp followed the splash as it went spilling down the front of his sweater and pooled in his lap.

I slammed the mug on the table in front of him and muttered 'asshole' just before I turned and stormed towards the door. I heard a few snickers throughout the bar and I'm sure plenty of eyes were on me as I made a complete toddler out of myself. But I didn't care, I was tired of being ignored, I was tired of him barely looking at me. Hey, I got his attention right?? Maybe not in the way I wanted but I did get it...

"Meredith!" I heard growled just as I reached the parking lot "What the hell was that!"

I turned on my heels to see him shaking the beer off of his frontside like a wet dog. I tried to muffle my smirk and let my anger seep through.

"What the hell was what!" I yelled back

"Why the hell did you dump a pitcher of beer in my lap!"

"You've been ignoring me all damn day is what the hell that was all about!" I muttered "I was trying to get your attention!"

"I haven't been ignoring you!" I defended "I talked to you at lunch."

"Oh right, asking me to pass the salt!" I screamed "Real fucking conversational!"

"You asked me to back the hell off." He growled "I was only doing what you asked."

"I asked you to back off but I didn't mean to act like I don't fucking exist Derek!" I yelled "If that's how it's going to be then maybe I don't want you to back off!"

"Then what the hell DO you want!" He screamed "I'm just trying to figure you out Meredith! I'm trying to respect your wishes."

"So you go out with some hot doe eyed thing, you think that's respectful!"

"What do you want!" he yelled, I could see the veins in his neck popping from the strain in his voice "Just tell me what you want! Do you want me, do you want someone else, do you want no one!"

"I don't know what I want!" I screamed back "I just...I just know that I don't want to be without you."

I think we were both shocked by that statement as the only sound between us was our breathing. We were panting out hot steam into the cold air as our glossy eyes stared widely at each other's. His mind probably racing just as quickly as mine was. I wanted him... I wanted him...I just didn't know how to want him. Or how to let myself want him.

"Do you want me." He asked in a clear cut voice.

"I.." I whispered and gasped as tears filled my eyes. To be selfish or not to be, that was the question...."I don't' know.. yes.. eventually, I mean I want you but I just..it's complicated."

"It's not complicated, it's a yes or no question." He said taking a small step towards me "Do-You-Want-Me."

Breath in. Breathe out. Gulp.

"Yes."

He broke one stride and suddenly I was being lifted into his arms. His warm hand was resting softly against my cheek as he pulled my lips into his. I inhaled sharply as his touch and pressure of his lips took my breath away. Mine softly parted and allowed his to envelop mine, I opened my mouth a little wider to invite his soft warm tongue inside my mouth. A long awaited moan escaped me and I felt his smile against my lips but he never broke the kiss.

My arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled myself up against him as close as I could get. I felt his arms wrap around my waist to cradle me as his lips did wonders on mine. My lips were starting to feel a little strained and I was in serious need of some oxygen, but I wasn't going to break away.. not a chance in hell. I hadn't been kissed like this in....well ever. I'd never been kissed like this before. His lips finally stopped to pull away for a second; I felt his hot breath beating against mine as we stared into each other's lustful eyes.

"I love you."

What!