In Your Dreams

30.

"I love you."

It kept repeating over and over in my head. I was mortified, and I was avoiding Derek at all costs as I ran around the hospital that morning. What did that mean? What did I want it to mean? How much meaning was behind it? And to make matters worse I ran. As soon as it was said I turned and ran and left him standing there speechless.

Luckily I wasn't on neuro cases that coincided with his, I had to duck around a few corners when I saw him down the hall, which was probably making him feel worse. God I wish I could just confront him already. I felt a hand grab onto my elbow and pull me into a supply closet, apparently I had to whether I liked it or not.

But to my relief I felt my body crush against the wall as two hot moist lips swallowed my own in a hot sweltering kiss. I inhaled sharply through my nostrils so that I could keep my lips busy as long as possible. As long as we were doing this there wouldn't be any talking. My fingers weaved through his dark raven locks and I heard him grunt as his body grinded up against mine.

God he felt so good. Not just the kiss but his touch. It was scorching and sent little currents of electricity rolling across my skin wherever it touched. I felt him start to pull away so I sunk my teeth into his bottom lip to keep it from detaching. That got an interesting reaction...he groaned as if he were in pain and his tongue darted into my mouth like it owned it. His lips ripped away from mine but planted shortly after against my cheek and trailed down to my collar bone. His hands rubbed up and down my torso as if I were a hypothermic patient he was trying to warm up, and let me tell ya, I was getting hot.

I panted and felt my mind spin, so much so that I hardly felt him let off. I gulped as he looked into my eyes, his were smoky and shining with lust and desire. I had to stop from offering myself to him, God I knew I wanted it, but the reason would mostly be to keep him from saying what I knew he was going to.

"We kissed." He breathed.

"I know." I nodded "I was quite enjoying myself too."

I started to tug him back into me but he gently held my hands at arms length, I pouted.

"Mer, we need to talk."

"We can talk later."

"Things were said last night."

"I know." I gulped again "They were great things that led to kissing, so lets just keep kissing."

"You said you love me." He said quickly before I could divert the conversation any longer, I felt my heart sputter into a sprint and my palms started to sweat.

"I know." I whispered. He looked at me patiently as if waiting for more of an answer but I felt my throat close off.

"You love me?"

"I..." I stuttered "I don't know." I couldn't deny the look of hurt that flashed in his eyes, suddenly a million thoughts were leaping off my tongue, had to chose which ones to speak wisely "What I mean is.. this is amazing and new and...when I'm with you, I...I've never felt this way before. Not with anyone."

"I haven't felt this way with anyone either."

"We don't really know much about each other either."

"We can change that." He smiled. I felt excited at the thoughts of it.

"I'm still married." I pointed out, he worked to control his facial expression but his eyes were heavy.

"I know."

"I'm getting a divorce." I added quickly, his eyes sparkled a little "I'm done with Deacon, I'm done with that marriage. It was over a long time ago and I was stupid to hang onto it."

"You were trying." He said softly as he brushed a strand of hair out of my eyes "You wouldn't be you if you hadn't tried."

I felt a little tingly and wondered how he'd figured that, he didn't know me for all that long...

"Thank you." I said, "For understanding."

"So what does this mean?"

"It means." I sighed as I leaned in and placed my palm against his chest, I smiled softly as I looked into his deep blues "It means that I have really strong feelings for you."

"I have strong feelings for you too Meredith." He confessed "I.." I stopped him by placing my other hand over his open mouth...

"Don't say it...not yet." I smirked "Lets take it slow. Let's just get to know each other and enjoy the kissing. Everything else can come later."

"So just kissing?" he mumbled, I let my hand down as I felt it was safe to do so now "Nothing else?"

"I want this to be right." I said "And in order for it to be right, I want to be completely out of my marriage before we do the things..." I felt my mind go to a dark place and by the look in his eyes I'm sure my expression followed it "Things that I really want us to do."

"So we're waiting."

"We're waiting." I smiled. "And about last night..."

"I'll put it in the back of the closet for now."

"Thank you." I said with relief.

"Do you want to wait exclusively?"

I felt a nervous jolt in my chest and my face fell "Do you have anyone else you want to date? I mean I wouldn't blame you..."

"No!" he gasped and shook his head adamantly "No," he said again with a soft smile as he brushed his thumb against my cheek, making it tingle "You're the only one."

"In that case, I'm counting the days."

"You're not the only one." He mumbled....then a grin broke out across his face "So kissing is our only rule?"

"Yes."

"Ok." He nodded and smirked "Then I hope you know I'll be taking full advantage of that rule."

I felt my breath catch in my throat is suddenly his lips were taking mine hostage again...of all the rules to make, this was probably the best one we could.