Marauders One Shots

Leave Me Reckless, Off The Map (S.B. / LE) [Part One]

Title: Shannon Saunders - Atlas

Warnings: angst?

Word count: 1k

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It had been years. Over a decade, to be exact. Something had always been there; it just took you a while to accept it.

You were finishing your Sixth Year at Hogwarts when you accepted your feelings for Remus Lupin.

It was after the deaths of beloved James and Lily that you knew he would never return your feelings.

Experiencing a loss like that; it changes you. After that night, a little part of you closed off. Instead, you threw yourself into your work – Dumbledore had hired you as the Muggle Studies teacher. You had a passion for Muggle life and its history.

For Remus, he shut down entirely. He could never truly cope with what had happened and what he had lost. James and Lily in one night; then Sirius and Peter not long after. It was enough to destroy a man and he had come ever so close to destruction more than once. It was through those times, he found himself on your couch in the house you owned in Hogsmeade. You bought a home there for if the surroundings of Hogwarts ever got to be too much – it also helped that Remus would show every now and then. A broken man, but a healing one. You helped through everything without ever expecting reciprication of your feelings. You were more than happy to live with the close friendship you had had since the early years of Hogwarts where you would help the Marauders on full moons, sit with Remus the morning after, stay late the library to study for exams. Many had thought you two would end up together, a natural fit, they said, but nothing ever happened.

The feelings you felt for him never went away. You hope they would; you prayed they would, but they never did. You had long since accepted, however, that he would never feel the same.

The rise of Voldemort after the Triwizard Tournament saw the resurrection of the Order of the Phoenix. You had re-joined immediately; knowing that Remus and Sirius would too.

After a particularly tough mission in which you had been sent by Dumbledore to spy on Death eaters – you were almost caught, one of them managing to nick you with a knife they had thrown before you apparated out of there. Sirius had patched you up well. He had patted your hand consolingly when Remus came into the kitchen – he knew of your feelings for his friend; he knew you needed time.

"Y/N?"

"Remus?"

"I need to tell you something; I haven't told anyone else this."

"That's okay. We'll talk in here." You walk into a room, just off the kitchen. Hope began to bloom in your chest. It couldn't be could it? Did he feel the same way, after all the time that had passed?

"What is it? You can tell me anything."

He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for this moment. "I'm getting married."

The wind is knocked out of you. Ringing is sounding in your ears; you aren't entirely sure you've heard him correctly. It feels almost like a slap in the face. You reel back, to look into his eyes. Begging yourself internally, not to let him see you start to tear up.

"You're getting married?"

A wide smile breaks out over his face, he nods. He's happy. He has found his happiness, and it isn't in you.

"Oh Remus! Congratulations!" You cry, throwing your arms around him. From this, you don't have to look at his face. And he can't see yours, so he cannot see the ripples of heartache making its way across your face.

He returns the hug, chuckling as he does so. "Thank you. We haven't told anyone, but I haven't been able to keep a secret from you yet."

"I am so happy for you Remus, I am." You pull away from him; from the man you love. You turn to leave the room, you needed to get away. As much as Grimmauld Place was your home, you couldn't be within the same walls. You had to get away, you needed air, everything was becoming too much.

"Do you want to meet her?" Remus asks.

The white noise in your ears in getting louder, you barely heard what he asked. "Pardon?"

"I asked if you wanted to meet her."

"Maybe another time, I had a close call on that last mission. I got nicked with a knife so I'm gonna rest for a bit."

"Of course! You're okay though, aren't you?" Concern coming through in his words.

You smile at him. Walking over to him, you press a kiss to his cheek. "Of course I am. Congratulations again. I'm happy you're finally happy, Remus."

He squeezes your arm, a silent word of thanks. You leave the room, heading towards the kitchen where you know Sirius will be. Harry is at Grimmauld Place – where Harry is, Sirius is.

Sirius looks up when you enter the kitchen, he sees the tearstains on your face and pulls you to one side.

"He told you then?"

"He did" You sniffle.

Sirius pulls you into a tight hug; it takes everything within you to not fall apart right there. "I don't know why I'm acting like this. I knew he would never feel the same way so I've shocked myself by reacting like this. It was foolish for me to get my hopes up."

"No, it wasn't. You love him. He's just a bloody fool who didn't see you right in front of him."

You chuckle lightly, "Will you do me a favour?"

"Anything, you know that."

"Will you tell Dumbledore that I'm not available for the next few days? Say that the knife wound was worse than we thought or something. I just need to get away for a few days."

"Of course. Where will you go?"

"My parents had a place on the east coast- Ravenscar. I think I'll go there."

Sirius presses a kiss to your head, pulls you in for a long hug too. "If you need me, send a message."

You nod into his chest, "I promise."

Sirius releases you then. You walk back into the kitchen where Harry, Ron, and Hermione sit at the kitchen table. Ruffling Harry's hair, you tell him that you'll see him soon before walking out the door.