Marauders One Shots

At First I Thought It Was Infatuation (S.B. / LE) [Part Two]

Title: Sam Cooke - You Send Me 

Warnings: angst? Swearing.

Word count: 1.7k

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Ravenscar is located on the East Coast. Your family had had a country house there for as long as you can remember. Your fondest memories before you arrived at Hogwarts and met the Marauders was spending your summers with your great aunt there; taking trips into Scarborough, walking up and down the coast.

Breathing in the sea air, you feel more yourself than you have in weeks. The long walk to the beach below Ravenscar helps to clear your head. It had been a few days since you left Grimmauld Place – you felt guilt for simply just walking out, but you couldn't stay there. It was not the environment that you could live in; you simply couldn't take watching him be so happy with a woman that wasn't you. Your head was clear though; you were coming to realisations.

Sirius turns up on your third day there. You open the door to him, and your heart drops to the floor.

"What's happened?" You ask, letting him enter the house.

"What makes you think something's happened?"

"You've casually shown up on my door without warning. I can't help but be worried, we're in the middle of a war, Sirius."

"You're right, we are. But you're taking some time out. Nothing's happened, everyone's fine. Harry was a bit put out when I told him he couldn't come with me but other than that, everyone is okay."

"I'm glad. I feel so guilty for taking some time, but I need to get my head sorted. I can't go on a mission for Dumbledore in the place I am mentally, it would get me and whoever I'm with hurt."

"I love you; you know."

The confession blindsides you. He's sitting on your couch, picking at one of the ancient cushions you never replaced after your aunt had passed away. He told himself he wasn't going to immediately drop it on you – that he loves you. He has since Fifth Year; you were smart, so smart, and principled. You stood up for what you believed in. You gelled instantly with the Marauders and Lily and to be frank, he fell arse over tea kettle in love with you. He kept his sanity in Azkaban because of two things: his innocence, and you. He knew of your feelings for Remus, so he kept silent. Even after he escaped, but once Remus told him he was getting married, Sirius saw no reason to keep quiet anymore.

"You love me?" You ask, breathlessly.

He nods, "I have since Fifth Year."

You sit down, "Since Fifth Year?"

He nods again.

"Why didn't you ever say something Sirius?"

"You were in love with Remus. It broke my heart nearly every day I saw you look at him, I prayed that you would look at me like that," He chuckles, "I'm turning more sentimental the older I get. I love you though, wholly and completely. I never wavered. There were only two things that got me through Azkaban – my innocence and you."

"Oh Sirius, I never knew."

Sirius walks over to you, kneels in front of you, takes your hand in his as he did not even a week ago when he was patching you up. "How were you to know? I was pretty good at covering my emotions back then."

You clasp his hand tightly, running your thumb over the many tattoos that grace his fingers, "I wish you had told me."

"Would it have made any difference if I had?"

Your silent at that, you aren't entirely sure. "No," You say slowly, "I don't think it would have back then. I was pretty blind. I've had time to think now though, time to clear my head."