Marauders One Shots

Time Away (S.B./LE)

Warnings: melancholy reminscing 

Word count: 1.1k

------

In the two years since Sirius Black had tasted his first breath of fresh air in over a decade, he had reconnected with his best friend from Hogwarts, been declared innocent, finally met his godson, and had found his way back into your life.

It was a tough time.

Remus forgave him after an evening of explanations and the Ministry acquitted him of his supposed crimes six months after his release. For Harry, there was never really anything to forgive after the night in the Shrieking Shack, but Sirius was determined to forge a relationship with the godson he only knew for fifteen months before being ripped away and jailed.

You, on other hand. He needed to take his time with you; he couldn't go barging in and upsetting the balance of your new life. For a few days, he watched you in his animagus form; getting to know your routine, trying to find out whether there was someone in your life that made you happy. He would never be able to accurately describe the feelings of joy that ran through his body when he realised that there was no-one special, but that you also still wore the promise ring he gave to you upon your graduation from Hogwarts.

Sirius remembers standing on your doorstep after he had finally worked up the nerve to take those tentative few steps:

****

"I was wondering how long it would take you to come to me," You say in greeting.

His mouth opens and closes, "How did you know?"

You level him with an unimpressed look, "A big black dog suddenly shows up in my back garden as the newspaper reports on a breakout from Azkaban. It wasn't hard to put two and two together."

Sirius leans against the doorframe, "I've missed you."

Tears line your eyes and you bite your lip. You blink the tears away just as fast as they came, "How long has it been since you had a warm meal?"

Sirius blinks, not expecting this change of conversation, "Months."

You stand aside, letting him enter the house you once shared with him. "It isn't anything fancy; chicken and potatoes," You say, leading him into the kitchen.

"It sounds wonderful. I loved anything you cooked for me."

You plate up the food in silence, setting it down in front of him along with a drink. Sirius digs in straight away; moaning at the taste. It had been so long since he had warm meal that wasn't bland.

Conversation is stilted; a decade long absence and there should be plenty to speak about, but a decade long absence has inevitably brought a gap between the two of you. for so long, the only sound is the scraping of cutlery on plates.

****

It took time; he knew it would. It was a marathon they were running, not a race. In the months that followed, you got to know each other again. Sirius spent the time working on himself; getting himself to the healthiest he could be after an ordeal such as Azkaban.

Two years on and you're both at a place that's healthy enough to pursue the relationship that was jilted all those years ago.

---------

The anniversary of his incarceration hangs over the two of you like a black cloud. It drags down the mood of the day; the both of you wrapped up in your memories of that night almost fifteen years ago. You both navigate the day in a daze; bodies busy but minds occupied.

On the night of the anniversary, you lay in bed together, wrapped up in the other. So close it's hard to know where you end, and Sirius starts.

"Do you know what I missed most when I was away?"

The name of 'Azkaban' was never uttered in your presence, neither was the term 'imprisoned'. The both of you rarely speaking of the matter after that initial conversation when he appeared on your doorstep; preferring to think of happier times.

You snuggle into his side, adjusting the blanket to cover the both of you better, "What did you miss most?"

His arms tighten around you, "I missed having you in my arms, like I do right now. My time away was hellish, I'll not deny it, but I'd also describe it as bittersweet."

"And why is that?"

"Well for starters, I wasn't with you. I couldn't see you, hear you, smell you, taste you. All my senses were cut off from every part of you. I missed being able to run a finger down your arm and watch you shiver at my touch. I missed you a lot, but it was thinking of you that helped me get through every day. I would wonder what you would be doing; whether you still had that tatty old dressing gown still, and whether you still took your coffee in the same way. So it was bittersweet."

"I missed having you near me," You whisper, "There was a month after you went away where I would continue cooking enough for two, or I would turn in the shop to get your opinion on a cushion for the living room or to ask you what you fancied for tea, and then the pain would start all over again." You sigh, "I never really got used to you being away."

Sirius drops a kiss to your hairline, inhaling the fruity scent of your shampoo – a scent that he had come to associate with being home.

It was rare for you to talk about your life without him. You brought things up every now and then, but you rarely discussed it because how could you talk about how your life continued when his was brought to a halting stop at the age of twenty-one?

That night neither of you sleep much; tormented by the nightmares of a night the two of you remember so similarly and yet, so differently. Sirius was hell-bent on retribution that night; confronting Peter like that with no back up and too many witnesses – he had been driven out of his mind by the strength of his grief for James and Lily but also for Harry. He'd never get to know his parents.

The early hours of the morning holds conversations similar to that of the previous night; how much he missed you, what he's glad to have now – how grateful he is that you had never found anyone else.

He whispers promises into your skin; promises of never being apart again – never for that long again anyway. The sun rises with his words, as if solidifying his promises into the new day – letting the world know of his plans for you and your future.

The time apart had driven a wedge between the two of you despite the fact that you would never love another. Sirius vows to spend the rest of his life fixing what had been broken on that October's night back in 1981.