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Thirty Seven

March, 1997

It was two months later and I hadn't talked to Ti since she told me she was pregnant. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her. I was so fucking angry at her, and honestly I really just wanted nothing to do with her anymore. I meant it when I said I was done with her and that that was her last chance. I just cant keep up with her dramatic fucking life anymore, if she wants to fuck up her future by having a stupid fucking baby, then by all means. But leave me out of it. I ain't about to raise no other mans baby, so if this is what she wants then I hope she's very happy with the shitty life she's chosen. I love Ti, and I'll always fuckin' love Ti, but I ain't waiting around for her to get her life together anymore. And I definitely ain't waiting around just for her to pop out another dudes kid when that should be my fucking kid. 

And while like I said, I haven't reached out to her since she told me, she also hasn't reached out to me either. She hasn't even tried. Which is honestly the biggest piss off for me. Not that I would answer her if she did try, but still. It's like she doesn't even fucking care that she just snapped my heart into two, but of course she doesn't. Why would she? She's got Devon and that fucking baby, why would she need me? She doesn't. I can't do anything for her, and it's pretty clear at this point that Ti only wants something to do with me when I can do something for her. So fuck it, whatever. It's probably better that she hasn't tried to reach out to me. I don't know how, but I'm sure if she had tried it would just make this situation worse as she always does. 

I do know that she had finally told everyone about it about a month ago back in February. Honestly nobody was impressed, and everyone thought she was making a huge mistake by keeping it, but I know Sharonda was trying her hardest to be as supportive as she could. She told us Ti was really scared, which in all honesty, she should be. She has no idea what the fuck she's in for having a baby, let alone a baby with probably one of the shittiest guys I've ever fucking met, but once again, it's her life not mine. I don't care anymore.

Karmen seems really excited about it though. I went over to her place a week after Ti had told everyone, and she just would not stop going on and on about this fucking kid. I understand she's excited, it's her grand baby and she's still oblivious to the fact of who Devon really is, but it was still so annoying to me. I guess Ti is planning on flying her out there for her due date so she can be with her in the delivery room, and Karmen seemed more than willing to hop on a flight for that. Which once again while I get it, I was still being cynical about it. She knows how scared her mom is of flying, and she's still gonna make her fly out there?! Inconsiderate, as far as I'm concerned. There's also already been talk about everyone driving out there to go and meet the baby a few weeks after it's born, and I can tell you right now I definitely will not be joining. I don't care if I ever meet that little life sucker. That thing fucked me, and it fucked Ti. Maybe if I'm lucky she'll still break up with Devon and just give him sole custody, or even better just put the kid up for adoption. Ugh, what a dream that would be. 

. . .

After I finally talked to Marshall, I honestly just felt so relieved. Don't get me wrong, I felt sick, and upset, and angry, and sad, but I was just so relieved to have finally put it out in the open with him. He reacted exactly how I thought he was going to by hanging up on me, and while it hurt, I couldn't blame him. I felt the same way when I found out Kim was pregnant, I think it just comes with the territory of finding out someone you love is having a baby with someone else. 

Although I was expecting that kind of reaction, I definitely wasn't expecting him to just stop talking to me completely. I thought at the very least he would call and be wanting to yell at me for being so stupid like I had done to him, but nothing. I didn't want to reach out to him because I didn't want to overstep any boundaries, as well as I honestly just really needed to focus on me and Devon right now. I love Marshall, and although he's valid in his feelings, I really don't have time for his hissy fits right now. Not with all my doctors appointments, school stuff, and trying to prepare for a whole ass baby.