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Forty Five

June, 1999

May had come and gone, and now, so did most of June. Karnail's funeral also went along with that, as did my birthday. Actually, to make matters worse, his funeral was held on the week of my birthday, so to say that was the week from hell would be an understatement. 

The service was beautiful of course, his family had put something together that was just so special and true to who Karnail was as a person that I truly wouldn't have changed a thing about it. They gave us all a chance to speak, which I was so appreciative of even though I didn't take the opportunity. I just knew I wouldn't be able to make it through a speech without breaking down into tears, and a church full of people did not need to see that. Surprisingly, Rufus and Ondre chose not too as well. I guess they felt the same way as me that they knew they wouldn't be able to keep it together so they didn't wanna have to subject others to that. 

I know Ondre specifically was having a really hard time with it, considering Karnail always said that if anything ever happened to him, he would want Ondre to replace him in D12. He never wanted to join before because I guess he always felt like he was never good enough, but after Karnail died he really wanted to do it for him. He just wanted to be able to honour him, and live up to his legacy as best he could, but I know that also made him feel extremely nervous. I understand, I can't imagine the kind of pressure that would put on someone, but I have no doubt he's gonna be amazing. As long as he has the boys' support, I know he'll be great. 

So, after a long, hard, gut-wrenching month of nothing but tears and a constant feeling of grief, Marshall was back on tour with all the boys. I know they all felt super weird about going back on tour so soon after Karnail, but DeShaun rounded them up all as he does so well and said this is what Karnail would have wanted. He wouldn't have wanted them to stop doing their thing just because of him, in fact he would want them to push harder now more than ever. I completely agreed. Them going on tour was a way to honour Karnail, and they wanted to take every chance they could to further his legacy. So, that's exactly what happened. 

From my understanding, they were all in Arizona as of last night, and then today, me and Sharonda were flying out to Lakeside, California to go and meet them all. Marshall had been on my ass about going out there for a few days to go and experience 'tour life', as he called it, and then when Sharonda said she was gonna go to go see DeShaun, I finally agreed. If she's going, I may as well. Plus it was the weekend, I didn't have to work, and my mom said she would watch Isaiah, so why not? It's only a few days. I also still had yet to see any of their shows, so I really wanted to go for that reason as well. 

Around 5 o'clock, we finally landed and I know we were both so thankful to be off of that plane. Sharonda kept saying how uncomfortable she felt sitting in that cramped seat with her being pregnant, which I completely understood. I couldn't imagine having to fly when you're that pregnant, but she wanted to see DeShaun, and she was gonna get there one way or another. 

"So who's picking us up again?" I asked, trailing behind Sharonda as I clutched my luggage in my dominate hand. 

"It's usually just a car with a random driver, but Pauls picked me up before too."  She replied back as she weaved quickly through the crowded airport. I couldn't believe how fast she was moving for five months pregnant, I was already waddling at a snails pace when I was five months! 

"And where the hell are we even going?" I yelled as I lost her for a few moments due to all the many people I was attempting to dodge. "Is there a hotel?"