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Forty Nine

March, 2000

It was about a month later and Marshall was still staying with me. Although, he had finally figured shit out with Kim and in a few days she'd be moving out and into another house, which I know he was really thankful for. He had still been sleeping on my couch, so I'm sure he was excited to finally have a real bed and just be able to have his life go back to at least somewhat normalcy.  

Surprisingly though, he was actually doing really well. It's like I could visibly see him get happier and happier with each day that passed, which in turn made me really happy. I know how hard it is to go through something like that, so I was just so proud of him for handling it so well. But, I know a main reason for why he was feeling so good was 'cause he was still able to see his girls. If he wasn't, I have no idea what kind of state he would be in. But thankfully, he had them to help keep him sane and just to remind him that everything would be fine as long as they all had each other. 

In the last month, he had also ended up getting put on probation thanks to his arrest, but we both knew that was coming. You can't really just pull a gun out on somebody and expect no consequences. Because he was on probation he couldn't really go out so much anymore, and he couldn't go to L.A. as much as he was before. So, after he would finish his days at the studio, he was always back at my place by 8pm at the latest. 

Obviously, because he had been staying with me, we had been spending an extreme amount of time together. Still, nothing had happened between us, mainly because I couldn't shake the feeling that it was too soon, and I knew Marshall had to get back to his normal self before I would ever be willing to start anything with him again, but overall things were going really great. We weren't fighting at all, and things had just pretty much returned to normal between us. Honestly, I don't think we've ever been doing so good since before I moved. Or before we broke up, I should say, and because of how good we were doing... I can't even explain the feelings that it gave me... But they were all good, they were perfect. 

As I laid in bed, tossing and turning, my brain would not quit with the over analyzation of me and Marshall. I love him so much, but is it still too soon? I know for a fact I wanna be with him again, and I know he does with me, but how much longer do we wait for? I want him now. In actuality, we've waited years. It's been years of this back and forth shit, can our time ever just come? I want my man back. I need him back. The longer I laid there, the less and less I could take it. 

Throwing the covers off of me, I planted my feet firmly against the cold wooden floors. Balancing myself on the balls of my feet, I pushed myself off of the bed. Before I opened the door, I realized I could hear the faint sound of the TV. Is he still up? Gently opening it, my eyes immediately fell upon him sitting on the end of the couch closest to me as he had his feet kicked up on my coffee table. 

His head immediately cranked towards me. "Yo. Why you up?" 

Without thinking or saying a single word, I stared at him for a few moments before slowly making my way over. He moved his feet down from the table onto the floor once he realized I was coming towards him, and likely thought he needed to make room for me to get by. 

Moving in front of him, he looked up at me intently. Giving him zero time to say anything, I placed both my knees on either side of him, sinking down as gracefully as possible as I gripped the back of the couch. 

Confidently, both his hands went to my sides before pushing their way towards the centre of my back. He seemed so sure of himself, that it was almost like he had rehearsed this a thousand times in his head. Like he knew exactly what he would do if this moment ever presented itself to him. 

We continued staring at each other, still not a single peep coming from either of us as my chest heaved slightly from my nerves. His lips were gently parted to accommodate for his moderately elevated breathing, and I slid my hands to his shoulders.