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Sixteen

Hi! Just wanted to give another trigger warning since we are still dealing with depression, thoughts of suicide, etc. in this chapter. So as always please do not read if you are uncomfortable or not in the right headspace!!

continuation of December, 1991

I hadn't slept a wink the entire night. After Marshall went into our room, I wanted so badly to go be beside him and comfort him, but Denaun told me to just let him be for the night. He was scaring me with the way he was acting and Denaun saw that. I know Marshall would never purposefully hurt me or anything, and Denaun knew that too, but this was a side of him that neither of us had ever seen before so we were both just trying to gauge how best to deal with it. We both wanted to support him, so we decided the best thing to do was to just leave him alone for the night and let him settle down. 

I know he wasn't angry at me per se, he was just misdirecting his anger and confusion and I just happened to be the person standing in front of him. But it was still scary. He had never screamed like that at me before, and I had never seen him hit anything, inanimate objects or not, out of anger. It was all just so new, so in part of leaving him be, I decided to sleep, or try to sleep, on the couch and Denaun went back to his room. Denaun had tried to give me his room and said he would sleep on the couch, but if Marshall needed anything I didn't want him to have to come looking for me and get in a panic that maybe he thought I wasn't here. I wanted to be in a place where he could easily find me, so the couch was the best option. 

He never came out of his room once though, and now it was 8:30am. I was supposed to work this morning at ten, but obviously there was no way I was going now. So, since I couldn't sleep anyway, I got up and called the studio to let them know I wouldn't be in today, and probably not for the rest of the week due to a death in the family. They were completely understanding and told me to take as much time as I needed which I appreciated, since I really just wanted to be able to gauge how Marshall was doing before I decided to go back. 

After I called my work, I figured Marshall was gonna need to eat. I decided to start making just some eggs, bacon, and toast since it was the easiest. Denaun woke up half way through me making it and neither of us said a word to each other except a small 'morning'. He just sat on the couch while I cooked and he didn't even turn the TV on or anything, we just stayed in silence as the grease from the bacon crackled. 

I finished cooking a little past ten. I plated Denaun's and brought it to him on the couch. He gave me a quiet 'thanks' and I just nodded back. I went back and plated Marshall's but I was unsure if I should go wake him up and bring it to him, or if I should wake him up and make him come out here, or if I should leave him alone completely. I decided I should at least go in there and make sure he's okay since like I said, I hadn't seen him or heard anything from him since last night. I left the plate out in the kitchen incase he wanted to come out and eat with us and then started making my way over. 

Denaun watched me as I gently creaked the door open and poked my head in. I saw Marshall fast asleep, barely even on the bed. He was sleeping on his side with his legs dangling off the edge. He wasn't under the blankets or anything and I immediately felt tears start to well up. I stepped inside the room and closed the door behind me. I tried my best to blink away the tears since I really didn't want him to see me crying and then went and laid down beside him.

As the bed moved while I started getting on it, Marshall immediately popped up since I think I scared him. "Hey hey, it's okay. It's just me." I said softly as I put my hand on his shoulder to comfort him.