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Twenty Nine

May, 1996

It was Ti's 26th birthday today and I wanted so fucking badly to talk to her. Ever since her 19th birthday I had always at least gotten to speak to her and wish her a happy birthday, but I didn't know if that was gonna happen this year or not. It had been about five months in total of her ignoring my calls, and I really fucking missed her. I know what I did on New Years wasn't right, and I was so incredibly sorry about it, but she would never get to hear an apology from me if she just continued ignoring me. 

I just didn't understand it. Ti's always been so forgiving of my fuck ups, she's never held a grudge against me ever. Not even when I told her I didn't love her anymore. So what the fuck was so different about this? She has to know it was coming from a place of love for her, and nothing negative. I had just gotten so fed up that whole month she was home of Devon, and I lashed out in the worst way possible. But honestly a part of me still believes he deserved it. Regardless of how I felt about Ti at the time, he shouldn't be talking about her in that way to random people he doesn't even know. It's disgusting, him looking at her as if she ain't nothing but an ass. It makes me sick. 

Even though these last five months have been hard not talking to her, I will say they've been beneficial for me at least. They've definitely helped dwindle my feelings towards her, which is good. I think it's mainly just because now I have no choice but to make things work with me and Kim. If Ti was just gonna ignore me, and make me feel so incredibly unwanted, then I didn't want her either. Did I still wanna talk to her? Absolutely. But that was more so just because I missed my friendship with Ti. And I just need her to know how sorry I am. 

I gave up trying to call her in April, so I hadn't tried her in awhile, but I figured since it was her birthday, I wanted to try one last time. If she ignored me again, then I was gonna let it go completely. If I see her when she comes back home, then thats nice, but i'm over it. I need to be over it. I can't keep torturing myself like this anymore. 

I had just gotten off work, so I figured it'd be better if I were to call her off of the work phone rather than trying to call her when I got home and having Kim question me on why I was calling her. Kim was relatively okay with Ti, considering the fact that i'm still close with her mom, and all the baby stuff that they had given us, but she still didn't need to know when I was calling Ti. That was something that I just wanted to keep private between us. I also didn't want to cause an unnecessary fight with Kim, so it's just better if she's left in the dark. 

I dialled her number onto the grimy work phone keypad and leaned myself against the wall while I watched all the other employees pass me with food orders in their hands. "Hello?" The girl I had come to know as Brandy answered. I always wondered if they knew anything about what had happened with us, but probably not. Ti's just as private as I am when it comes to this stuff, and neither her or Dana have ever spoken to me in any sort of way that would lead me to believe they knew. Regardless, I didn't care if they knew. I don't know these girls, so I ain't got no reason to care.

"Yo, is Ti there?" 

"Is this Marshall?" She asked. 

"Yeah. Sorry, I just wanted to say happy birthday to her." 

"Shit, i'm sorry. She moved at the beginning of this month." I rolled my eyes at another lame excuse. They had gotten quite creative over the last few months with why Ti couldn't come to the phone, but this was the biggest lie I think I had ever heard come out of Brandy's mouth.

"Bullshit, no she didn't. I know she still ain't wanna talk to me, but can you please just put her on the phone?" I asked slightly annoyed. I'm so sick of these excuses. Just man the fuck up, Ti.