Living in misery. (Tommyinnit)

N I N E T E E N

I woke up in Wilbur and Nikis tent to Wilbur snoring loudly. He had me still wrapped in his arms. I could feel dried tears on my face from last night. I was still really tired but I grabbed his phone for the time. 11:53 am.

I didn't want to stay in the tent so i wiggled from Wil's grip and crawled out of the tent. I realized it was freezing out and everyone except Wil and Techno were by the fire so i grabbed my hoodie from mine and Tubbo's tent and put it on as i walked over.

The air felt really thick and tense the closer i got. I picked up a few chips someone put on the table. I felt everyone staring but i kept my head down as i sat down next to Tubbo. He immediately grabbed my arm for comfort. I looked over briefly before look up at everyone.

"What?" i said but my voice was hoarse and strained. I saw George cringe. But no one said anything. So they'd all heard me. Or someone was awake and heard then told everyone else.

"Tommy. You can tal-" Dream started.

"Shut the fuck up. Please. I don't want to talk." I choked out through my hurting throat. I really didn't want to talk. Id rather think about it on my own. Not talk.

I realized Tubbo was messing with his hoodie, fluffing it out a lot, and he was hunched over. Has he been wearing his binder too long? He suddenly stood up leaving the group with no warning. I furrowed my brows and turned to Niki.

"Whats wrong with him?"

"Im honestly not sure? Maybe last night? Im not really sure. Sorry." she said then resumed her lunch. I got up and walked across the site to our tent. I heard silent sniffles and panicked breathing.

"Tubbo? Can i come in?" I asked from outside of the tent.

"Y-y-yes." He managed out. I unzipped the tent and crawled in. These tents weren't made for tall people.

"Hey man. Whats wrong?"

"T-tommy I f-forgot my b-b-b-b-b..." he let out a frustrated sigh.

"Hey, hey. Deep breaths, calm, then try the word again." I said softly. He used to stutter bad but his speech therapy mostly made it stop. He has bad days sometimes but he mostly stutters when he's stressed now.

"My b-b-binder. I- Tommy I for-g-got it." He said as he began crying harder. Well shit.

"Hey- Hey man its ok i promise you got this. C'mere." Said pulling him to me. He grabbed a fist-full of my hoodie and pulled it to his face.

"Why cant i be a real man tommy? Like you and Wil and Techno. I want to be real."

"Hey hey look at me. You are just as much of a man as me and techno and wil if not more. I promise just because you need a binder it makes you no less of a man tubbo." He began to cry more when i said this. But i wasnt lying.