Living in misery. (Tommyinnit)

N I N E

TW MentionOfCuts

As i woke up, the smell of bacon and eggs filled my nose. I stood up and looked into my full body mirror which in reality only showed up to my upper chest. I couldnt bother going down to eat any thing. Ive eaten so much recently. I wrapped my fingers around my wrist. It was closer last time i did this.

As i looked at myself i couldnt help but feel like extra eyes were on me.

I turned my arms looking at them. The fresh cuts and some a few days old staring back at me. Each one an insult i took out on myself. Pinching the extra skin at my waist and frowning as tears threatened to fall. I closed my eyes not wanting to look anymore as i climbed back in bed.

---

I decided to walk down stairs after the smell of bacon and eggs faded away. I wanted to watch a movie with Tubbo if no one was using the tv but i saw Dream, Sapnap, and Wilbur playing Minecraft on Dreams Xbox as Tubbo and Niki watched. George and Eret no where no be seen, probably sleeping.

I threw myself next to Tubbo after grabbing a coke and cracking it open. I adjusted my hoodie sleeves to make sure no cuts were showing and began to watch Dream playing Manhunt. Funny knowing Wilbur had no clue what to do.

I sat and watched for what felt like ages before deciding to go mess around playing on the SMP. I walked back up to my room and started up Minecraft joining the SMP as i heard knocking on my door.

"Come in!" I said keeping my focus on the game.

"Hey Tommy. Can i talk to you?" I heard Eret say.

"Uhm yeah sure. You can sit on the bed if you like. Just give me a minute to get back in my house so nothing you know KILLS ME." I said with a light chuckle. Eret muttered a thanks as he moved to sit on my bed. I could see him looking around my room and he seemed nervous. Odd that Eret would want to talk to me but i guess anythings possible. Im not particularly close to him but hes still a friend i though as i shut my house door behind me in the game.

"Whats up?" I asked spinning my chair around to face him.

"I uh dont really know how to say or ask this but could i see your.. arm?" he asked as he pointed nervously.

"What? Why?"

"Earlier i saw you looking in the mirror. I want to make sure i saw right." He reached out for my arm.

"No Eret." I began to get angry.

"Tommy im worried just... show me your arm." He said. He grabbed my wrist.

"Eret stop it. I said no." I probably shouldnt have said that so loud when Dream showed up at my room and Wilbur behind him. Dream opened the door and pulled Eret up by his shirt.

"What the hell are you doing Eret?" said Dream sternly, Wilbur standing in the doorway with brows furrowed. Never seen Dream look so angry. It began to get hard for me to breathe and i was shaking.

"Hey Dream chill im checking on him im not a fucking perv. Wilbur check his arm if you dont believe me. I know what i saw earlier." He said as Dream loosened grip on the front of Erets shirt but not letting go completely.

"Hey Tommy. Let me see your arm." said Wilbur kneeling down in front of my chair. His voice tone was soothing and surprisingly calm for the situation but i figured its due to the fact hes picked up on signs of my panic attacks from me being in his room for three days after finding out about her. I hesitantly nodded keeping my head down.

"Im sorry." I muttered as my sleeve was lifted and my tears began to pour. I heard Dream and Eret mutter 'fuck' and Wilbur just pulled me into a hug.

"Can i get a minute with him?" Dream asked. The other two nodded and left.

"Tommy. You cant keep hurting yourself. It worries all of us. We dont want you to be gone. You may not believe it Tommy but it gets better. I went through this too not long ago and it was difficult because I truly thought no one cared. I thought no one wanted me here. But when i realized so many people do care, including you, it actually helped me get through it. Everyone living here did and people who arent. So many people care about you Tommy. We all want you here. So please stop hurting yourself like this. Sometimes it doesnt affect just you. Though it may seem like it, its the pain blocking that out. I care about you of you need to hear someone say that. I do care a lot." he said. I began crying harder and realized what he said is true. And i want to stop. I want to try. He pulled me into a hug and i hadnt realized how much people do care.