Living in misery. (Tommyinnit)

T W E N T Y T W O

"Wil? Im going for a walk." I called out into the empty house. Only Wilbur, Tubbo, Techno, and I were home, the others out getting groceries.

"Alright. Just bring a rain coat. Its supposed to rain soon. Or be back before the rain." He called out. I heard a muffled 'chat i bet he comes back soaked' with slight laughter. I grabbed my rain jacket off the jacket hook by the door and walked out.

I noticed it was cloudy outside, making the sky dark as i shut the door behind me. I started down the sidewalk. I knew roughly my way around from several walks with Tubbo. I wanted to go to the park. We had found a way through the woods that led to a clearing with a beautiful flower field that only me and him knew about out of everyone who lived with us. It was a nice place to go. Tubbo had even found a hive of honeybees which i think may be his favorite part of the field.

I walked getting to the park entrance, walking on the pathway, past the swings and slides and jungle gyms, to the trail in the back corner. I walked until i got to the tree with string on the branch. It was my suggestion to Tubbo for him to tie a few strings to trees so we wouldn't forget the way. I followed until i got to the next tree, then the next, and the next, and finally turning at the last tree and coming to the clearing. It was still stunning even in the gloomy lighting. I walked to a large tree in the middle and sat down under it. I let out a long exhale.

Tommy...

What. What could you possibly want?

I want you dead Tommy.

"Go fuck yourself." I muttered closing my eyes tightly. I felt so weak and defenseless. My stomach rumbled and id realized i don't know the last meal i had.

"I really need to take better care of myself." I said as i let out a sigh. I dug through my pocket and took out my phone. Id been gone for 45 minutes now. I stood up walking a little ways from the tree and laid down in the lush grass and flowers. I was laid out like a starfish. It was actually peaceful despite pushing down the voices. For the first time in a while i felt calm. Happy.

A smile spread across my face as i drifted off to thinking about nothing. Emptiness.

Bliss.

Tommy.

Tommy.

"Tommy!"

I jerked awake to Tubbo sitting next to me. It was pouring rain.

"What the hell man? You've been gone for hours."

"Sorry. I lost track. Its really peaceful here Tubbo. The voice stops out here."

"Yeah? Does that for me too." He said laying next to me, the rain slowly soaking us. He closed his eyes, laying like a starfish too. I closed mine and took a deep breath. We sat in silence, taking in the peace. Im glad my pocket is waterproof or my phone would be ruined.

"You get voices too?" I asked breaking the silence.

"Mhm. It says ill never be a real man. I tell it to fuck off." He says, giggling a little at the last part. He seems so carefree about his. Must not be as bad anymore.

"How'd you know i was here Tub?"

"Wilbur said you went for a walk. I knew you'd be here. This is where we go for walks." He said.

"Yeah. I guess it is. Do the bees not get wet in the rain Tub?"

"No. They go in the hive when it rains. Its probably warm in there huh?"

"Heh. Yeah. Must be."

After a few minutes of silence he grabbed my hand and i looked over at him. His eyes were closed. Tears or rain?

"Are you crying?" I asked. He nodded.

"Wha- why? Whats wrong?" I said sitting up, not letting go of his hand.

"I don't want to lose you Tommy. It scares me. The thought of not getting to do... this. Relaxing. You are my favorite person to be around." He said opening his eyes to look at me. All i could do was hug him. He hugged back and it was a caring hug. Warm.

We ran back a few minutes later.

"Wil! Were back." I said popping into his room. He looked over and burst into laughter.

"Wait wait stay there." He said grabbing his webcam, "Chat i told you hed be soaked! Did i not?" He said laughing, as i laughed along, clipping back on his camera. "Geez you smell like a dog Tommy. Go shower." He said wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. I laughed and went to do that.

I let the warmth of the water engulf me. I was so peaceful.

Numb?

No.

No Tommy.

Peaceful.

You arent numb.