Living in misery. (Tommyinnit)

T W E N T Y N I N E

Its been a week.

A week since Tubbo woke up.

A week since Tubbo told me he didn't remember me.

Wilbur told me him forgetting could be a trauma response. That theres still a chance something could click. That he could remember.

I never was a religious person. But i prayed. I prayed to whoever would listen.

I knew everything about him. But he knows nothing.

I had cut again this past week. A lot.

57 times to be exact.

57.

My lucky number.

I heard a light knock on my open door as i lifted my head from where i laid staring at the ceiling on my bed.

"Hey Toms. Suppers ready if you're up to come down and eat with us. Or i could bring it up again." said Philza sympathetically. I nodded.

"Ill try and come sit down there." I said quietly. He gave an apologetic smile as he walked to Tubbos room.

'Suppers ready if you want to come on down bud.'

'Ok i will in a few. I want to finish this video.'

I got up and threw on a hoodie so no one would have to see my arms at dinner. I walked past Tubbos room and heard his muffled video playing.

'GET YOUR MULE BITS!' I heard. He laughed at that. I walked to his door and knocked with one knuckle. I hadn't spoken to him since i left the room when he said he didn't know me. I wasn't sure what to say.

"Oh. Hey! Tommy? Right?" He asked, an apologetic look on his face.

"Yeah. Yeah thats right." I said faking a smile for encouragement. "Why're you watching my video?"

"Because i know i should remember you." He said. I nodded.

"Don't stress yourself. Hey. I have an idea Tubbo. If you don't want to because i know you may not which is ok, but after dinner do you want to go to the flower field?"

"Well uh where is that? What is that?" Right. The trauma response.

"Well you found it a while back. Its where the um... accident happened." I said cautiously.

"Well i don't remember it but yeah i could join you." He said softly. I nodded and went downstairs to eat.

~~~

We were walking through the forest and we got to the edge, the entire field in view under the moonlight.

[play fireflies by owl city]

"This place seems... familiar. There... theres a beehive here isn't there?"

"Yeah. Wait yes! You kind of remember this place thats great!" I said getting hopeful. I grabbed his hand and ran him to the middle. Not near the tree but out into the tall grass.

I looked around before i noticed he was looking at me.

"You are important aren't you? To me?"

"Well. We were best friends. Are. Sorry. And i helped you when you came out. You've helped me through... i mean so much i don't deserve." I said taking his hand. I stood staring at the ground before i remembered. Lightning bugs like hiding in the grass here.

"Tubbo? Watch this." I said. I squatted down and ran my arm through the grass, a good bit of lightning bugs flying up, lighting up at they did. Tubbos eyes lit up in awe as he laughed copying me, but using his leg.

I grabbed his arm and ran as he watched all of the fireflies light up and fly around. We stopped and i looked at him. He was behind me a few feet dancing and laughing

He was so happy, and seemed to have forgotten he didn't remember me. His eyes crossed as he looked at one that had landed on his nose as he let out a giggle. He focused back on me. I watched the reality sink back in as he walked to me.

"Thank you." He said with a smile. And then he quickly wrapped me in a hug. "I know i loved you. I want to remember you." He said looking at me. I got choked up and couldn't speak so i just nodded.

I love you Tubbo.

A/N

Strictly platonic love. Had to delete a bunch of weird shipping comments on a few chapters. Please don't ship real people. Especially minors. Its really weird.
I also just want to thank all of you for the insane support! I love you all and dms are always open! <3 :)