Living in misery. (Tommyinnit)

F O U R

A/N Thank you so much for over 100 reads and 15 votes on this story! I hope you all continue to enjoy this story and sharing it if you dont mind! Ok back to the story!

TW PanicAttack SuicideAttempt

As we pulled up to Walmart i sent a text to my mom and dad in a groupchat to let them know everything was great and that im now getting all of my bathroom stuff and other things with Niki Wil and Tubbo.

Me and Tubbo got out of the backseat and Wilbur and Niki got out of the front locking the car and putting on our masks as we started walking into the store. Wilbur and Niki let us go off on our on for a bit to look at clothes while wilbur and niki went to get a few grocery things. I was looking at some pants and joking with tubbo who was looking at some graphic tees and hoodies. I suddenly began to feel very warm and like i was in a tight space despite being in a very open area. My hands started feeling clammy and i began to sweat. I started pulling my shirt from my chest to fan myself off.

"You ok Tommy?" I heard the brunette browsing clothes close by ask. I looked to see he had a comforting smile on.

"Yep. Just warm in here." I said lying. In reality i knew what was happening. I was having a panic attack in Walmart. I knew the right thing to do was to go ask Wilbur for one of my anxiety pills to help but i wasnt going to do that. I dont need to depend on those medications.

"Want to go find Wil and Niki? Im not seeing anything." He asked walking over to where i was standing.

"Uh yeah sure." I said trying to sound as normal is possible. As we walked towards the grocery side Tubbo got distracted by nail polish. He started looking through some pastel and softer colors. I had tuned myself out as i continued in my spiraling panic.

You shouldnt have moved here.

Look at you. Youre fat.

No one here can stand you tommy.

Youre so annoying tommy

Tommy.

Tommy.

"Tommy!" I heard the brunette say as his voice pulled my intrusive thoughts away and my head back down to earth. I turned my head attentively "You zoned out for a second there. Which color?" he asked holding up two bottles of nail polish. A light green and a pastel yellow color.

"Uhm.." I said thinking between the two "I think the yellow" I say putting my finger on the cool glass bottle. He nods and we continue off to the groceries looking for niki and wilbur. My breathing starts to both increase and get harder to inhale and exhale and im still feeling warm and my forehead is sweating. As we walk up the aisle with all the chips that we found wilbur and niki on me and wilbur make eye contact. In the 2 seconds we had our eyes locked i could tell he picked up on the fact i was having a panic attack. I looked away and knew hed ask if he could figure a way to without telling the other two of what i was keeping from them. Sometimes i wish he couldnt pick up on stuff so easily.

We started walking to the aisles where they keep bathroom stuff and Tubbo and niki started talking about something but i couldnt focus on anything. It felt like my head was spinning and it kept getting harder to breathe. I heard a quiet, muffled pop and some rattling. My head was starting to hurt and see wilburs hand in a ball holding out toward me. I was confused by the gesture. He shook his hand once and quicly to get the point he was trying to give me something across. I held out my hand and he dropped a small white pill into my palm.

"Go get some water from the fountain." He said quietly. I left the few quickly to go find a water fountain. I got a few sips, popped the pill in, and swallowed it. I returned to the three with both of them unsuspecting since Wilbur knew. I got my shampoo and body wash i needed and some face wash. I also got some deodorant. I saw niki bury four boxes under some tshirts she had gotten. I knew what they were but ignored it. I figured it was for her and tubbo.

After we finished getting everything and checking out i realized aside from my headache i felt much better. We walked back and loaded all of our things into dreams car and we started driving back. I hadnt realized how tired i was until i fell asleep against the door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up in my bed back at the house. How did i get here? I questioned. Some one had to have carried me up. I checked the time on my phone. 7:13 pm. I guess we are changing that among us stream to tomorrow. I was still tired despite having slept since we left the store at 12:30. I missed lunch but didnt exactly mind much. Breakfast was too much for me to have eaten anyway.

I walked out into the hall and saw Tubbo, Niki and Wils doors were shut but lights on and everyone elses doors were open and dark. I peeked downstairs and there was no one and both of those bedrooms were open and lights off. They must be out.

I started feeling anxious again out of no where. Not a panic attack, just nervous and jittery feeling. I decided maybe id try talking to wilbur. I walked up to his door and knocked on it.

"Busy!" He called out. Well then maybe not. I walked back to my room feeling a tad upset. I threw myself on to my bed and just laid there.

No one wants you here tommy.

Thats not true.

Youre just an annoying person they see as a child. And when they find out about your anxiety or depression or worse your eating disorder theyre kicking out out. Just a matter of time.

Will they? I know theyll treat me differently. Whos to say they wont?

They will tommy. Deep down you know it. Just admit it.

I do.

Look at you. Getting fat. They all see it just too nice to say anything. Such a pig eating all that junk at breakfast. End it now tommy. The worrying can all stop.

Before I realized i was walking toward my dresser and pulling open the sock drawer. I popped open the lid to the first bottle of pills i could grab. I threw a handful in my mouth and swallowed. Tears began streaming down my face as i realized what id done. I couldnt tell if they were happy or regretful as i fell to the ground and the rest of the pills spilling everywhere. "No." i muttered seeing the pills scattered around me. And thats when i heard it. The footsteps coming to my door. My door opened as i let out a remorseful whimper for whoever was to find me like this.

Not tubbo. Anyone but tubbo. Please leave-

"Tommy look at my nai- TOMMY!"

Tubbo.