Living in misery. (Tommyinnit)

E I G H T

TW PanicAttack

After Tubbo got changed we played the Switch for a few hours then went to take a shower. I turned on the faucet so it could warm up. I took off my hoodie and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I really do look fatter. I brushed the ugly thoughts to the back of my mind and finished getting undressed, shuffled my music, and took my shower. I finished up and got out, dried off and dried my hair some then got dressed.

"Its been a bit since i streamed. I should probably do that." I mumbled walking into my room. I walked down to the kitchen and saw Sapnap, George, and Dream watching a movie.

"Sinister? Really? Thats like the least scary "scary movie" ever." I said opening the fridge.

"George hasnt seen it before child." Sapnap said laughing. After looking through the fridge for a bit i grabbed a coke.

"Hey im streaming on the SMP if any of you decide to join."

"Sick. I may after the movie." Sapnap said turning back to the movie. Dream nodded and George seemed frozen in fear. I laughed slightly and went back up to my room.

I sat at my desk and started up stream.

"SUP CHAT!" i said taking a sip of my coke a logging into the SMP. "So we moved into the house and its pretty pog being around everyone. Like, you see, watch this- TUBBO!!" I shouted. I heard the bathroom open and Tubbo walked in.

"Whattt?"

"See guys. I have a bitch living with me doing what I tell him. I am a king." I said laughing. Tubbo smiled and walked out. I saw Tubbo log on the smp and he walked up to me and punched me. I looked into the camera dead faced.

"Ohhhh you bitch." I said pulling out my sword. I heard a yell from Tubbos room as his character began to run. I died into laughter and began to chase after him.

"GET BACK HERE BITCH!" I yelled.

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"TUBBO TUBBO WHAT THE HELL?!" I yelled as he began spam spawning baby chickens in my house with eggs.

After i ended stream I started scrolling through twitter reading some tweets from during the stream. I started to notice so much more hate than usual. Probably because I ignored it but it was all just so mean when i actually read it. It got harder to breathe and i began to shake and cry harder than before.

Tomathy

Are you streaming?

Wil-burr

Yeah. You ok?

Tomathy

No.

Wil-burr

Come here tommy.

I walked to Wilburs room quietly so no one notices or asks questions. I opened his door and slipped inside shutting it behind me. Wilbur patted the spot next to him on the couch he had in his room. I sat hiding my face in my hands as i kept crying, overwhelmed by emotions. Wilbur began rubbing circles into my back.

"Whats wrong Tommy?"

"Just hate. I made the mistake of reading and- I- its just-" I said as i began to cry harder.

"Oh Toms. What they say doesn't mean anything, it isn't true whatever it is." He said putting his hand on my shoulder leaning down to see my face. He pulled me into a hug.

"Its ok Tommy. Itll be ok i promise." he said. At this point it was almost impossible to breathe and i was very hot.

"W-Wil i c-cant brea-athe." I said through what breath i could manage.

"Shit. Youre having a panic attack." He got up and grabbed a bottle of water and one of my anxiety pills and handed them too me. He sat back down and i swallowed the pill. He pulled me back into a hug and i sat there crying into his shoulder until i eventually fell asleep on his shoulder from crying so much.

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Thanks so much for reading this trainwreck of a story so far lol. almost 2k reads is insane for something a started as a vent angst fanfic. Thank you so much!