TW//mentions of baby loss
"Mikey, sit down, just relax."
"No, no i can't relax! 30 fucking negatives, 2 babies gone...what if its not meant to be? We're not meant to be parents?"
Ray frowned, he lovingly tucked a piece of Mikeys brown hair behind his ear. Ray and Mikey had been trying for a baby for five years, and they got to watch their brother and brother in law welcome three babies in that time. The eldest, Bandit, and twin girls. They were both happy for Frank and Gerard, but at the same time were a little jealous.
"Five minutes-"
"Ray, i know how pregnancy tests work. I've been in this situation thirty times."
"Sorry Mikey.."
Mikey had been getting so moody with Ray, he knew that it wasn't his fault they were so unsuccessful. "No, I'm sorry. I-I'm just really nervous...I want to have a baby.."
"Me too honey. If we can't get one ourselves, how about a surrogate, or we can adopt?"
Mikey immediately shook his head, "No. I want my own baby, with you. I want to be the one pregnant with your baby, not some random person."
"I'm sure Gerard wouldnt mind. You're related, so the kid will look like you, if i-"
"No Ray. If i can't have a baby myself, then thats final. I don't want somebody else to have your baby, you're mine."
"I want whatever you want, but a surrogate wouldn't be so bad."
Mikey stayed quiet, knee bouncing up and down while he sat on the edge of the bathtub. He had been pregnant twice before, both ended within three weeks of finding out. They had married seven years ago, and after settling down in a house they liked, and becoming financially stable with Rays music career, and Mikeys bass playing in Electric Century, they decided it was time to start trying. They didn't realise just how hard it was for them to get pregnant, and they were devastated each time they received just one line.
"You know i love you." Ray said, looking at his husband.
"Why'd you say that?"
"Just...how i was talking about someone else having my baby, it sounded like i didn't want to have one with you."
"And do you?"
"Mikey, if i had a baby, and he or she called you mom, and he or she looked like you and was just as amazing as you, i'd be the happiest man in the world. But...I don't want you to be upset
without any child."
They both stared at each other for a second, smiling. Rays hand captured Mikeys, shuffling closer and kissing his cheek. They were cut off by the digital pregnancy test beeping on the counter. Mikey shakily reached for it, covering the little screen. "I love you too Ray." He smiled, before moving his thumb from the screen.
Ray grinned widely, waiting for Mikey to tell him the results. "So? Am i a dad?"
Mikey shook his head. "Its negative." He stood up, placing the test back down on the counter and leaning over the sink. His breathing was shaky, trying to suppress his tears. When Ray wrapped his arms around Mikey, the tears started falling. He completely broke down in Rays embrace.
"Shh Mikey. Its okay baby, its going to be okay. We'll have a baby one day."
"No Ray, we're not gonna be parents. Face the facts."
Mikey left the bathroom, biting the sleeve of his red and black striped jacket. Ray knew when Mikey was really hurting. He denied absolutely everything, he had a tendency to bite his sleeves and not saying a word to Ray. Ray knew that when Mikey was like this, all he needed was space.
