Wildfire - H.S

50

To find a word fitting enough for how I feel as of right near seems impossible.

No word can summarize the aching feeling that's engulfed my whole being.

It's only been seconds since Harry walked out of my door. Seconds, and yet it feels like time is slow turning, making sure that the pain I'm feeling doesn't leave - making sure that each raw emotion I feel is magnified so I really feel it.

I'm left alone. Alone in my room with nothing other than the insufferable thoughts of where he might be, the agonizing torture of reliving the argument we just had, and the oh-so consuming feeling of regret.

Falling in love. It's a wonderful thing, is it not?

However, the heartbreak is something less romanticized. It's quite possibly the most feared feeling in the world. The heartbreak you see in movies, read about in books and listen to in music. The kind you hope and pray you'll never have to experience.

I don't believe I've ever gone through true heartbreak.

I do, however, remember being torn apart when I was fourteen and mom managed to convince dad into getting me a kitten for my birthday.

He was still young, and slowly becoming accustomed to the house. We were told to keep him in a singular room for a while so he could become comfortable around us - he was a stray, abandoned at birth with his brothers and sisters so he was very shy and skittish. The first day we allowed him to explore the house properly, my little brother - only six at the time - got far too excited and let him out.

The sweet kitten was terrified by the cars, and he was so small. Poor thing didn't even make it to the vets in time, the impact from the car was too harsh for his small frame.

I didn't talk to Jerome for weeks after that. He didn't entirely understand where he went wrong at the time. All he knew was that I was very hurt by what he did, accident or not, and he always made sure to leave me his Friday night candy from his swimming club outside my bedroom door for a good few months.

That would be the closest I've ever been to heartbreak.

Until now.

Even if no one had ever told me what heartbreak felt like, I'd have no other way to describe this feeling. The feeling of my heart being torn apart.

It's not just that he's gone. It's that with every blink I see him, every movement, every smell, all my clothes, my habits, my words, my everything has become him.

And it's the unknowing of what life's supposed to be like now. Because how am I supposed to go back to how things were before I met him?

How do I suddenly unwind everything from him? It's almost as if I'm trying to untangle a mass of wires, with hope I don't touch the live one. Because if I do, it'll kill me.