dusk beneath the city lights | Buenvenidez Series #4 [COMPLETED]

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Going back, thinking about my younger self and remembering everything she went through would be a quite long realizations about a lot of things but if there's one thing I learned in that particular part of my life, maybe it's the acceptance. Because it was the only thing I needed to see what's right here.

I thought it was a reset. I thought I was really dragged down on my past but I was wrong. I just thought I still love him and this will hurt me forever but in reality, it hurts because I am still holding to it. And the moment I decided to let it go and accepted that my past shouldn't define my life and hinder me from the things I wanted, I felt ease—like there was never a pain, like I was never hurt.

For the whole ten years, I loved someone who never became mine, someone who made me feel how safe the world is whenever he's there and someone who've always taken a part of me. He was a part of me... yes... but not anymore. He was but he'll never be from this day on. That was that one thing I learned to accept and I was able to take that part back to make myself whole again.

Cause I realized I can't go on while my foot is still stuck in antiquity. I can't move forward if a part of me was still there. Kaya ang ginawa ko, kahit mahirap, binalikan ko lahat. At sa pagkakataong binalikan ko, sinigurado kong wala akong naiwan na kahit anong piraso ng pagkatao ko.

I believed it was never too late to fix my broken past. I needed that. Why? Because there's a love a waiting for me and there's him whom I know deserves all of me.. hindi lang 'yung parte na kaya kong ibigay pero 'yung parteng alam kong para sa kanya talaga.

It was him. It was Caly. Since then, everything became different. Maybe I loved Max when I was younger, but when I was growing up, when I was slowly figuring out my life, Caly was the one I could think of. Caly was there. Hindi ko nga lang kinapitan ang posibilidad na 'yon dahil masyado akong nakulong sa nakaraan ko.

And I want to love him more, in the easiest but best way, in the way where we could feel how we complete each other. I want that. I want that love. I needed that love and for me to be able to have it in my hand, I need to start over.. and that's what I did.

Starting over, learning from my mistakes, and assuring him that I'm coming back. I will come back... because that's where I belong.. I belong to him.

"I really admire how he tried to understand you. Kung ako ang nasa posisyon ni Caly, baka bago mo pa ako iwan, nauna na akong iwan ka. You know, because I know what I deserve. Kahit gaano ko kamahal 'yung tao, alam ko kung hanggang saan lang ako." Si Lili.

I gasped for air to take what she just said. Today, we both had our closure from our past. I told her honestly. Everything. Hindi ako nagtira ng kahit ano dahil gusto ko na talagang pakawalan lahat.

It was the most freeing feeling I felt. To finally able to let it out. Lahat ng insecurities ko, lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko, lahat ng pagkakamali at kasiyahan ko, sinabi ko sa kanya ng walang pagaalinlangan.. at hindi ko inasahan ang isasagot niya. I was even ready if she'd pour me her coffee or whatever but the only one thing she told me that I could never forget was...

"Nagmahal ka lang naman..."

Nagmahal nga lang ako at tinanggap naming dalawa 'yon. Whatever we had in the past is there... but we chose not to let that thing dictate our further decisions now.

"Mahal ka niya talaga.." Aniya.

"Talaga?" Hindi ko makapaniwalang tanong.

Ewan ko ba, pero kapag ibang tao ang nagsasabi sa akin noon, naninibago parin ako.

Tumango siya. "I told you, lahat tayo may hangganan at higit pa ang binigay niya sa'yo. Ni hindi siya nagalit kay Max kahit alam niyang ang tagal mong minahal ang pinsan niya at nasasaktan ka dahil sa kanya."