INFIDELITY (Completed) ✔

18

Once Jin steps into the house, he gasps because he hadn't been inside their house since he left JK that day. He walks in and his feelings are opposite than what he thought it would be. He feels his spirit immediately lifting from the depressing state it lived in at the other house. The familiar sound of the door opening, the familiar scent, the familiar view, the familiar exquisite taste of his interior designing skills, and the familiarity of feeling at home. Jin's memory evokes a warmth. They take the kids upstairs and put them to bed for a nap.

While JK cooks, Jin walks around the house, causally sipping on a non-alcoholic Pina Colada that JK made for him. Jin shakes his head, smiling at the fact that his drink of the night is non-alcoholic.  Out of curiosity, he goes into what used to be their bedroom. He sits on the bed and remembers the time before everything went wrong. He thinks about their love making. It plays in his head. After a while, he is interrupted by JK. JK had been standing at the door reminiscing and asking himself how he allowed his arrogant stupidity to destroy their marriage. JK clears his throat. "Hey, I thought I lost you. You didn't come back downstairs."   "Sorry, I was just walking around the house. You still have everything just how I left it. Why?"   "Why? This is still your house too Jin. You are just away trying to figure things out." JK refuses to state anything beyond that assertion. Jin knows differently, but at the moment, he doesn't want to argue.  He does want answers to certain questions that have started lingering in his mind.

"JK, you keep saying that you love me. Why do you say you love me? Especially after your action indicated that you didn't. Now that we are no more, you are now verbalizing the same thing you couldn't show me when we were together. Why say you love me now?"    "Because I do and you deserve love Jin. I hope you believe that I regret stupidly taking a detour in our marriage, but Jin, it was never my intention to stop traveling with you. And in doing that, I messed up to both our detriment.  I allowed things to fog my vision and I lost sight of the fact that you were the only one I could ever love. I never stopped loving you Jin. I guess I was feeding an over inflated ego, and the fact that I knew I had your love,  I carelessly took advantage of it and  ended up putting you at risk, hurting you.  It is so hard to find the words to express just how much I regret what I did and hurting you." JK holds Jin's hand, kneeling in front of Jin while Jin is still sitting on the bed. Jin looks at JK holding back tears.  "And to that JK, I'm a damn wreck. I think I'm sexually addicted to Tae, I'm a drunk, I'm depressed, and I'm losing my sanity. I put Tae over Jaden sometimes for those moments that I need to feel any type of happiness or relief. I don't know what's in my heart anymore, whether I hate you for betraying me, or do I hate myself for allowing myself to be betrayed, I am not sure whether I can ever recover from the dejection of what was us or whether I want to. How can you still love someone with all that, especially when I don't know whether I can ever forgive you, let alone be with you again?"

JK comes back to himself from feeling the pain of what Jin said about thinking that he is addicted to Tae and how he feels about him. "Jin, in my heart, I am hoping that after what I put you through and after your heart recovers and speaks its truth, that you will find that you still love me for better or worse, and it's the same for me Jin, I promised to love you for better or for worse. I meant that. I believe that the foundation our love was built upon is still solid, even though it has taken a sledge hammer to it." JK looks at Jin and Jin sees a truth entrenched in JK's eyes. "I know it is easy for me to say this after what I did to you. I would be hard press to forgive me too. All I know is that I am hoping that the fog clears up for you and you find comfort in our marriage again. I know I hurt you with my selfishness, my arrogance, my going beyond us, and thinking that my intentions wouldn't hurt our marriage. As I indicated before, my ego exploded and with the power it gave me, I found myself indulging it. I knew you loved me and I thought that I had that as a surety despite my stupidity. I know it's hard for you to believe, but I never loved Jimin, I never told Jimin I loved him. I know you would say that my actions stated differently but those were things I used to feed my overinflated ego. I really believed that the fire I was playing with wouldn't burn me, wouldn't burn us. That power self-conceit gave me died when I lost you. It can never control me again."

Tears falls from JK's eyes. "I am so sorry I took that chance and set fire to what we had. I am hoping our love can rise from the ashes of all that I burned down. Forgive me Jin and let me be a part of your life again as your husband. You will have more than a marriage vow this time from me, you will have my life. A life that can't live without you in it. I am dead without you breathing in my life. So, I won't give you vows that can be broken, but I will give you my life, a pledge from the breath it breathes. I know it all sounds like clichés, but all of what I have said is true.  I will never take you, your heart, your needs, or who you are for granted again." JK clears his throat while tears cascade down Jin's face. JK gets up off of his knees. "Dinner is ready, and the kids are downstairs waiting on us. I will go on downstairs and after you get ready, come down and join us. JK goes downstairs and Jin gets up and washes his face taking into his heart what JK has said while still holding on to the remnants of being betrayed.

Jin joins them downstairs. They later play games and Jin phone rings. Its Tae's sister. "Hey Jin, I am on my way to pick up Aya. I hope she hasn't been a bother?" "No of course not. But I'm not where you dropped her off at, I'm at my other home." JK smiles hearing Jin unconsciously call it home. "Okay Jin. Just text me the address and I'll be there soon."    "Okay, we are about to eat ice cream, it is okay that she has some this late in the day?"   "Yes Jin. Thank you for asking."    "By the time you get out here, she will have eaten her ice cream and will be ready to go." They hang up and an hour later, Tae's sister arrives and picks up Aya. JK and Jin sit in silence for a little while then Jin looks at his watch and it's 11:00pm. He knows Tae will be home soon. "Thanks for everything today JK. Despite everything, I really enjoyed myself. I need to get home. Should I take Jaden or do you want to take him to school?"   "He is asleep. I'll take him. I hate you have to go. You can stay Jin. This is your house too."    "No JK. although I enjoyed the time you and I had with Jaden today, we still have issues that I can't ignore. You have reached a place and seem to have resolved issues you may have had, but I am still trying to find my way out of the fog I am in.  When I emerge or whether I want to emerge from the fog, I can't call anywhere or anyone home. I will call you tomorrow. Bye JK."

JK heart sinks, he is at a lost, but he can't give up trying to get Jin back home with him and Jaden. JK thinks, 'What if when all this end, I have fought a losing battle.' JK climbs the stairs to his room and gets ready for bed. He lies in bed looking at the ceiling while tears trickle down a face filled with regrets. JK's driver takes Jin home and Jin prepares for bed. Jin thinks about JK and Tae. Although he can be civil with JK now, JK stills bring agony and distrust to his heart. But what JK has been showing and saying stirs areas of his heart and has chipped at that agony and distrust.  Jin's confession to JK is a truth that he knows but won't face.  Compared to JK, he believes Tae is safe although he knows Tae is a crutch for him. Jin knows that his dependency on Tae can be to his detriment, but he needs that dependency like he needs his bottle of wine every night. He grabbles with the fact that he could be using one problem to alleviate another problem. He doesn't want to be wrong about Tae. If he is, then he has to believe that he has been the problem all along as to why JK couldn't love him wholly and if Tae? Jin abruptly cuts the thought and pushes the thought out of his mind, grabs a bottle of wine, and drinks it from the bottle. He eventually falls asleep in a drunken state.

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Thank you again and again for your continued support.  Isn't confession supposed to be good for the soul.