It feels like my heart stopped in my chest.
My eyes take in Hoseok's appearance as he stands before me. His eyes look weary, his stance full of defeat. He used to look so happy, so full of life.
What have I done to him?
"I don't want to listen to you," I say, shaking my head as I turn around to leave.
I'm not ready yet. Though I'm the one who wanted him to explain, now's not the time, not when we're both still hurting.
"I already know."
His words make my hand drop from the cold doorknob. The sound of Hoseok's footsteps coming up to me causes goosebumps to raise on my skin.
"The kiss, it's not what you think it is. I didn't want it." I can almost feel Hoseok hesitating behind me as he talks.
"You don't need to explain to me, I know the truth," I state coldly though it pains me doing so.
"Okay, but I really want you to hear me out. If it still doesn't change your mind then I'll leave you alone from now on.
It's hard for Hoseok to make that decision, but he really needs Aveline to hear his side of the story. Hoseok knows that Aveline is hard-headed and she doesn't give up easily, which only makes this choice of his even riskier.
Judging from my lack of reaction, Hoseok understands that I've decided to listen so he continues to speak. "When Emily came to our house, she told me she wanted me back, but I told her that I'm already taken. Then she kissed me against my will, she held me still so that I couldn't move away."
I slowly shift to face Hoseok who's looking at me with the most hopeful eyes I've ever seen. "Do you know what Emily said to me at work?"
He makes me want to hide somewhere far away because his gaze is too pressuring. Every time I lay my eyes on him I feel guilty about what I did to him.
"She told me she'll make you lose your job if I don't break up with you," I say with a bitter tone.
Hoseok halts. He stops entirely and it's obvious that he's caught off guard.
"I know you like this job, I don't want to take it away from you." I shake my head. Hoseok looks at me again, this time fully determined.
"It's fine, I don't have to be a teacher." His forced smile only makes me crack further. "It's going to be okay, really." Hoseok reaches out for my hand with a gentle touch but I move away.
"When are you going start putting yourself first?" My voice unknowingly gets higher because of how rash Hoseok is acting. He jerks, his eyes resting on his hand still hitched awkwardly in the air.
"Do you know what else she told me? She said she'll cancel my internship if I don't leave you. I'll lose everything I've worked hard for. You want me to ruin my future just for you?" The tears that are threatening to spill from my eyes are really starting to sting my heart.
"Are you going to be that selfish?"
We're looking each other dead in the eye. In that moment, no words were needed between us because our eyes said everything. The air feels chilly as we try to process our thoughts.
I see the truth in Hoseok's eyes. He's willing to give up everything for me because he's that foolish. He's too selfless, too giving. Hoseok is someone I don't deserve.
Hoseok sees the vulnerability in my eyes. He knows that something is still being hidden behind the covers. I'm not telling him something and he needs to know what it is because it could be pivotal.
YOU ARE READING
mr jung | jhs
Fanfiction"If I were a phone, you'd be my charger because I'd die without you." Aveline Lee is in her last year of university. She expects this year to go smoothly like any other, but she couldn't have been more wrong. After her mother leaves on a holiday wit...
