1991

1991 Part 21

"Large latte, with an extra shot, thanks."

I hand the cash over to the barista and try my best to smile, but it comes out like more of a grimace. I scour the cafe for a quiet spot to brood miserably, as I have been for the past 48 hours. I dump my backpack on the seat next to me and slouch down, hiding behind my paperback copy of Cats Cradle. I try reading but as with everything since the whole Eddie episode I can't concentrate so I use my book as a shield and scowl behind it. 

"Here you go, extra shot, anything else for you sweetheart?" 

The waitress gives me a sympathetic look. I know my face is puffy and rubbed raw underneath my eyes, it doesn't take a genius to figure out I've been crying constantly for days.

"We've got a real amazing chocolate fudge slice, cures everything I promise," she smiles gently but I just shake my head and look away before the tears come.

"I'm fine, thanks," I mumble. I watch her walk away back to the counter and glance at me with a little concern. Five minutes later she's back and slides a plate with a giant wedge of decadent gooey, chocolate fudge cake in front of me. I look up to protest but she just puts her finger to her lips and shushes me.

"On the house, free for broken hearts," she whispers and winks before walking away. 

Her gesture of kindness is too much for me and I start blubbering all over again but at least this time I have cake to numb the pain. I sniff and blow my nose on a napkin. I don't look up when the bell over the door rings, I'm too preoccupied with wallowing in self pity and cake.

"Oh Sam, honey!" Becky scoops me up in her arms and squeezes the life out of me. Her sympathy sets me off again, but I can't speak because my mouth is full of frosting. Becky sits down next to me and calls the waitress over. She orders a coffee and a muffin. I notice a look pass between her and the waitress.

"You've heard I take it?" I sulk, shovelling cake in before I can start crying again. It's the first thing I've eaten in days and doesn't touch the sides. 

"I have," Becky says quietly.

"I'm so glad everyone is up to speed with my love life." God I can be so sarcastic when I'm pissed.

"It's not like that Sam, we're worried," she says then corrects herself, "I'm worried."

I sigh and push the plate away, feeling a little sick for my gluttony. I know I'm being a bitch. Becky's had a much worse time than me.

"I'm sorry, I'm just feeling way too sorry for myself." I wait for Becky to disagree with me but she doesn't. "How are you doing? Have you had your first counselling session yet?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, yesterday. It was good, helpful. I'm ok really, well I think I am I just need to deal with not remembering you know? That's the worst part, not knowing," Becky looks away for a second, lost in her own thoughts.

I take her hand and squeeze it. 

"I can't imagine how uncomfortable that must be Beck, I'm sorry," I wish I could take away her anxiety. "If it helps, you know that people were there, and looked after you, you were taken care of."

Becky smiles slightly, "I know and I'm so grateful you were, in fact that's the thing I wanted to talk to you about," she adds. My stomach plummets, I know what's coming. "About this weekend, the thing with me meeting the guys from that band who helped, I'd really like it to still go ahead." Becky looks at me, all big eyes and batting eyelashes.

I pull my hand away. 

"Sam I know that you and one of them have a thing..."

"Had," I correct her "had a thing."