1991

1991 Part 49

Eddie's vocals gradually get louder as I walk down the dark corridor towards the door at the end. A security guy pushes it open for me and I'm met with the full force of Eddie's powerful baritone filling the venue, emotive and rich, accompanied by the rest of the band in the throes of a performance frenzy. It leaves the hairs on my neck standing on end. The bar is heaving with bodies, crammed in shoulder to shoulder. It's standing room only and dark with the lights all focused on the stage. I walk out of the corridor with the stage to my right. I don't look back. I keep my eyes focused straight ahead, not ready to turn and look quite yet. Chris and Kirst break off, pushing their way straight into the crowd, disappearing amongst the bodies to jump and roar along with the music. Kev turns and catches my eye, a thrilled grin on his face illuminated in the flashing lights, he signals that he's going in and gives me a thumbs up. I smile and wave and watch as he and Becky disappear into the throng.

I push ahead, still not turning, still focused on the bar. I'll turn when I get there I decide, when I reach the counter I'll turn and look back. Behind me they're just finishing a song. It sounds like the last few bars of Once but I can't be sure, my head is too muddled. The crowd roars and moves as one, ecstatic to even be in the same room as their idols. But I'm afraid to look, afraid that my heart will break into a thousand pieces and I'll lose my nerve or even worse, that I'll feel nothing.

I reach the bar at the back. It's relatively clear as everyone has pushed forward towards the stage. It's just me and the usual older regulars at the back, those who've grown out of mosh pits but still love the music too much to stay away. A girl behind the bar smiles in welcome as she sees me approach.

"What can I get you?" she semi yells while there's a lull in the music. I look at the bar behind her and see my own face reflected in a mirror that runs the length of it. I look pale and terrified.

"Er...beer please...just a beer thanks," I say quickly and dig in my purse for change. She goes away to fetch a beer from the fridge and places it in front of me.

"On the house," she smiles kindly, "you look like you need it."

"You sure?" I check, smiling gratefully. She nods and moves along to another customer.

I pick up the bottle and gulp the cold beer quickly. It goes down easily. Behind me the band starts again, I hear the sound of guitar strumming first, much more slowly than before. I glance up in the mirror and see Stone. He has his long hair tied back off his face, lost in thought as he concentrates. Seeing him reassures me slightly, as I feel nothing but a wave of platonic affection for him. To Stone's right Mike melodically strums a steel embellished guitar, and Jeff slightly behind him waiting for his cue to come in on bass. I sit down on a stool and watch them in the mirror with my back to the stage. 

And then, there he is, right in the centre framed in a pool of light. His head is bowed and his hands lie folded over the microphone. His wavy brown hair falls around his face and his eyes are closed. I realise I'm holding my breath as he starts to sing, slowly, almost mournfully. I know this song.

All five horizons
Revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn

I'm afraid that if I move, even to take a breath, the spell will be broken and everything will vanish, this moment and all of us in it will disappear. It's like the whole room reads my mind as no one seems to breathe, we're held together in suspended animation by the music. Eddie pours every molecule of his being into his words, as though the rest of us aren't even here. I have to turn around and face the stage, to see him more clearly. The crowd in front of me is silent, still, reverential even, listening in rapture to his vocal sermon.