1991

1991 Part 25

N.B. Slightly rewritten because it wasn't really working. x

"This is a bad idea," I say quietly in between planting deep kisses on Eddie's neck and gripping his hair with my fingers. His hands are everywhere. I need to stop, I need time to think but the chemistry between us is stronger than me. Like Kirsty said way back at the beginning, before any of this happened, 'a guy you want to lick strips off, unholy visceral lust.' Well, here he is in the flesh and what delicious, irresistible flesh it is. My hands are underneath his t-shirt, sliding across his unblemished, taut skin, feeling the breadth of his shoulders and the slimness of his waist as he pushes himself hard against me. 

"Eddie?" I sigh again, shivering at his touch on my bare skin, his fingers exploring under my top, pulling urgently at the straps of my bra. My head and my heart are in a glorious power battle for dominance. My head needs to win but my heart's allowed one minute longer, right? Just one minute more..

"Eddie, please..." with superhuman strength I didn't know I had I gently pull his hands from my body and hold them safely in front of me. He looks at me, his eyelids heavy with lust, focusing on my lips and body like I'm some kind of delicious treat. He's so ridiculously beautiful, and his gaze heavy with wanting and focused solely on me makes me feel like a goddess. He moves in to kiss me again but somehow I manage to resist.

"I need to stop Eddie..."

Eddie's face immediately changes to confusion and he pulls away but keeps hold of my hands. I sigh in frustration at the loss of his proximity but I need to be strong. 

"I'm sorry..." he starts. 

"No, no, you have nothing to be sorry for. Believe me I absolutely want this, I want you. God knows how much I want you Eddie," I say emphatically, shaking my head, trying to clear my thoughts of his taste and touch. "I just... I need to slow this down...I need to think." I focus on my shoes, afraid that looking into his eyes will undo all my good work and I'll be putty in his hands again in five seconds flat. Eddie doesn't speak, he keeps hold of my hands in his. His are warm as always and big, much bigger than mine, even though he's not a tall guy. I smile slightly as, weirdly, I think how he reminds me of a puppy with overly large paws, like he's not grown into his hands and feet properly yet. There's definitely something puppyish about Eddie, adorable and lovable and boisterous. His fingers wrap around mine and I feel the callouses at the tips, from playing his guitar. His nails are perfect, nibbled slightly like mine, maybe he's a nervous biter like me. It occurs to me then how little I know about him.

I prepare myself and exhale slowly, counting to ten silently in my head then look up to face him. 

"We need to talk," I stammer, losing my balance slightly under his gaze. I try to not look at his mouth as it would be my undoing. "You remember when I said you do things to me?" 

Eddie smiles slightly which makes my heart flutter, "You do things to me too, Sam."

"But it's a problem," I say quickly before I get sucked under "I honestly can't think straight around you, I end up doing things I wouldn't normally do, it's like you could get me to do anything..."

"Is that bad?" Eddie asks, his brow is knitted like he doesn't really follow. I'm not making myself clear.

"Well, at first no, but it could be, for me. It's not right, Eddie. I'm here about to fall straight back into this thing that we started with no real acknowledgement of what could be a big problem, with your ex..."

I look at Eddie hopeful that he understands. 

"...and...well, we were having fun, you and me that is...physical fun, which is one thing but now..." God this is awkward, but someone has to say it, here goes nothing, "now...I...like you..." I'm back to shoe gazing at this point, my cheeks burning like they're on fire. I pause briefly then keep going, "like, when I say you do things to me, well it feels a bit...er...more than before?" I stumble over my words not sure what I'm trying to say. "For fucks sake! Why is this so hard?!" I mutter. 

Eddie moves forward slightly, closing the gap between us and places his hands on my hips. It doesn't help. He smiles slightly and it looks like he's biting the inside of his cheeks, like he's trying to stop himself laughing. I take a deep breath..

"Look, sex is one thing, which we were...are...or were having, but even though we've only known each other a couple of days the way I felt when you disappeared with Beth surprised me, like really surprised me, because it pissed me off a whole lot and still does to be truthful and I'm not really sure why because we've not even anything, we're a hook-up right? I feel stupid because it's too soon for that conversation obviously, that is if we were even going to have that conversation which was never an option because this isn't even anything and  I don't have the right to be angry really because we're just having fun right? but the whole Beth thing blew up and then you just said what you said about her not being me and and I feel like if this is one thing then fine, but if it's another then we need to talk about that, but only if you want to, obviously and...ugh! I just struggle with you Eddie because you have this hold over me that was supposed to be physical, Kirst said it would be physical but it doesn't feel like it's just that to me now, it feels terrifying and confusing and it makes me kind of want to push you away because you could do anything to me, you make me so incredibly vulnerable, I hardly know you but it hurt, like hurt a lot and I don't think I could deal with the real thing if this is just a hook-up because how do people cope? I mean really...I just...you...fuck...as ridiculous as it sounds I mean I would follow you, Eddie, I would follow you to the ends of the earth if you asked me..."

"Sam, breathe..."

"...and that's not healthy at all is it? To want to follow someone to the ends of the earth after only three days? I mean I don't want to, follow you or go to the ends of the earth, I don't even think there is an end to the earth, I mean, what I'm trying to say is if you asked me, which you won't, but if you did, I don't think I could say no..."

I breathe finally. I'm trembling and rapidly blink away the tears that are threatening but Eddie gently lifts my chin and smiles his biggest, widest heart-breaking smile at me, the one that reaches his eyes making them twinkle. He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses my palm. Electricity shoots up my arm at the touch of his lips. 

"Sounds good to me."

"Yeah?" I laugh, "in theory maybe." I'm still shaking, the effort of unloading and laying myself out like this has taken a toll. 

Eddie wraps his arms around my waist and I relax a little in the warmth from his body against mine but inside I've never felt so exposed in my life. If I was terrified of the power he holds over me before this is a whole new level.  We pause for a second, he presses his lips to my forehead and holds me in silence.

"Would you go out with me?" he asks out of nowhere, fixing me with a serious look. 

"What, like on a date?" I'm surprised but also thrilled at the idea.

"Yeah, would you?" he's serious, "I'd like to be with you, like outside of a bedroom...or bathroom," he smiles wryly. 

My breathe catches in my throat and I grin shyly.

"Like a date date?"

"Uh-huh, you know, it's one of these things where people meet up and engage in some kind of recreational activity. You know, like talking, eating or maybe catching a movie? Heard of it?"

"Hmmm, I've heard tell of such things," I tease, smiling at him.

"Apparently you can get to know each other that way, without being naked. Who knew?!" Eddie raises an eyebrow and then giggles.

"Wow! But...would that involve keeping our clothes on?" I act confused.

"I think we could cope, for an hour or two anyway," he says seductively, moistening his lips.

"Unless we went for a swim?"

"Where do you swim that doesn't require a suit?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," I smirk.

"Yes, I absolutely would like to know."