1991

1991 Part 37

"Hi..." I say to his reflection in the mirror.

Eddie is standing in the doorway right behind me. He's wearing a backwards black cap with his long hair all tucked inside and a plain t-shirt. He's changed since he was on stage earlier. I know I must be staring with my mouth hanging open, but I can't help it, I feel as though I've been frozen in some kind of beam. With his hair off his face, he looks even more handsome than usual. I'm blindsided by him. I'd forgotten just how beautiful he is in the flesh.

"Hi," the corners of his mouth begin turning up slightly and a smile plays at the corners of his eyes. His head is cocked slightly to one side, as though he's weighing me up. I think my heart just broke the speed limit.

"You're here," I breathe, spinning round.

"I'm here," he chuckles slightly. His voice is a melody I've not heard for six months. I could listen to him speak forever.

"I...I thought you were Kirsty..." I'm flustered and not even sure what's going to come out of my mouth one second to the next.

"Yeah, I got that."

"But...you're not..."

"No, no I'm not," Eddie smiles even more and takes a step towards me which makes me flinch. He stops in his tracks.

"It's ok Sam," he grins while holding his hands up like he's surrendering.

I breathe out. "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to do that...you just surprised me, that's all," I babble, "I didn't expect to see you....in here I mean."

Eddie looks down at his feet and slides his hands into his pockets.

"I just wanted to make sure that I got to at least...uh...see you, before you leave...again" he looks up at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh," I blush, feeling my cheeks burn, "I didn't think you saw me." I'd waved to him as I left the gig.

Eddie takes another step towards me and kind of shrugs.

"I did see you," he mumbles, "I saw you from the moment you walked in."

"You did?" I try to think back. It was packed, we'd shuffled to the bar and the booth through the crowds with Chris and everyone. The stage had been empty.

"...I waited for you...behind the uh, behind the stage. I saw you," now it's Eddie's turn to blush, "I wanted to see you so I...waited for you to come..."

Eddie keeps his eyes on the floor, he fiddles nervously with his hat and finally risks a glance up. He catches my eye again. For the next minute we stare at one another, across the bathroom. I can't stop staring into his blue eyes, they're so emotive, as though every feeling he's ever had can be read in them. The look of expectation on his face as he waits for me to speak breaks my heart in two. He looks so hopeful.

"And I wasn't sure you would make it after, backstage I mean...so I..."

"I wanted to," I breathe so quietly it's not even a whisper, "but I was really afraid."

Eddie nods and wrings his hands.

"Sam, I..." he starts and then looks away nervously, "I met someone..."

Wait, what? What did he just say?

Eddie clears his throat and tries again "I met a girl," he says with more conviction.

"You...met someone?" I croak.

Eddie looks uncomfortable and shifts from foot to foot.

"Yeah...I did," he mutters averting his eyes, "and I...."

Any second now the floor will suddenly disappear from beneath me and the ground will open up and swallow me whole, dragging me down to the gates of hell and that would still be better than this. My poor wasted heart, what's left of it has just shattered into a million pieces on this grimy, disgusting club bathroom floor. I look away and swallow hard, squeezing my fists into tight balls. It's ok, I've got this far, I can do this. This was always a possibility, although in reality I thought he might just hate me, I didn't expect him to actually go out and replace me. Then I remember what Chris said, I am a warrior, I am a ninja. I've got this.

"That's great," I smile tightly. Eddie looks confused.

"It is?"

I laugh lightly, "yes of course it is, I'm really happy for you." Who says I'm a shit liar? I can knock this out of the park. Eddie peers at me for a second, weighing up what I've just said. That obviously isn't the reaction he was expecting.

I grit my teeth and smile, but I need to get out of here and home before I completely and utterly fall apart so I turn back to the mirror and pretend to fix my hair.

"That's really great Eddie," I say to him in the mirror, willing my voice to hold out and to not crack just yet, "I'm just going to finish up here and then I'll come and join you all in the back."

I go through the whole façade of washing my hands again while I wait for him to leave. I rub soap into my hands, working up a lather all the time silently praying, please leave, please leave now I don't know how much longer I can hold this in. I turn on the faucet again to rinse my hands but Eddie doesn't move.

"I met someone six months ago," he says, "right here, in this bathroom..."

I stop washing my hands and look up, at his reflection.

"...and she is the only person I have wanted to be with ever since then," Eddie takes a step closer. My chest suddenly feels tight.

"....and she makes me feel things," I see the hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth, "like no one I've ever met before..." his wicked grin is creeping in and his eyebrows go up.

The weight of a thousand boulders lifts off my chest. He means me, he met me.

"Really?" I choke.

"Really," he beams standing right behind me and his mouth suddenly softens. His wicked grin vanishes temporarily and instead he stares straight into my soul, "and I miss her so, so much..."

I cover mouth with my hands, not sure of what to say or do. I turn around to face him and lean back against the basin edge. He's inches from me.

"You miss her?" I murmur.

Eddie takes the final step forward and reaches his hand around my waist. His first touch sends sparks up my spine, to my neck and scalp making a thousand tiny goosebumps stand up.

"More than you know..." he utters gently, putting his forehead to mine.

I look up into his face.

"I'm so sorry..." I mouth.

"Me too," he breathes and throws his arms around me, pulling me tightly to him. I grip the back of his t-shirt with both hands like my life depends on it. We stay bonded together, feeling each other breathe in and out. I bury my face into his shoulder and inhale his delicious scent, that I've missed and longed for. Finally Eddie pulls back gently to look down at me. He cups my face with his hand and gazes intently at my lips.

"Sam?" he mutters.

"Yes?" I breathe softly, desperate for him to close the gap and kiss me.

"Let's not do this in here," he wrinkles his nose. I giggle slightly at his expression of disgust.

"I don't know what your problem is, this is a very romantic location," I say deadpan.

"Please don't make me remember this public bathroom for the rest of my life," he laughs, showing me his widest grin, the one that makes my tummy flip and makes exciting things happen even lower down than that. He has me pinned, his arms tight around my waist, pressing his chest against me.

"Will you come outside with me?" he asks shyly, moistening his perfect lips, "so that I can kiss you?"