1991

1991 Part 31

"He's utterly, utterly delicious," Kirst squeals. She's glowing, happiness is just radiating out of her. 

"That's great news," I grin, "when did you meet him?"

"Er...about four or five months ago, roughly," Kirst says quickly and sips her beer. I nod my head, encouraging her to keep talking but she doesn't. I look around the table and everyone else seems to be avoiding my eyes.

"Four or five months ago? But...wasn't that around the time that you and Stone were...?" 

Kirst blinks and looks quickly from Becky to Kev, who both stay silent.

"Oh, we didn't start seeing each other then, no, we only starting being like properly exclusive a month or so ago," Kirst says quickly. I'm confused and for some reason I have an uneasy feeling in my chest. "Plus because he's away a lot so we haven't seen each other regularly for a while..." Kirst trails off. 

"Well, that's great, I'm so happy for you." I tell her and squeeze her arm affectionately. 

"Thanks Sam, I'm happy, really happy. I would have told you sooner but... I didn't know what you'd think," Kirst looks at me sincerely

"Why would I think anything?" I ask shaking my head. Kirst clears her throat nervously.

"Well, because of the whole history thing, with those guys and you and....Eddie..." she trails off and looks away. 

I stare at Kirst and suddenly everything clicks into place. She looks afraid, like she might burst into tears herself. This is why she's ok with me, this is why she accepted my apology all of a sudden, this is why she's not angry with me any more. I blink back tears, I refuse to cry any more about that fucking man. 

"Tha...that's great K, really great. I'm happy for you," I croak.

"I hope it's ok with you, I didn't want to tell you until it was sort of official, because of all the stuff before. That's kind why I've not seen you, it didn't feel right to flaunt it. But he'll be here in a minute, I asked him to come, I thought it was time that we got things out in the open," Kirst looks at me hopefully.

My poor old stomach drops through the floor. Adrenaline fires through my veins and the tiny hairs on my arms stand on end. 

"Here?! He's coming?" I stammer. This can't be happening. I look around desperately, I need to get out of here, before I collapse or puke or die of a broken heart on the table right in front of everyone. 

"Yeah...is that ok? I'm sorry Sam, I didn't want to break it to you like this but then everyone said they thought it would be best, kinda like ripping a bandaid off you know?" Kirst  attempts to chuckle lightly. 

Everyone thought? They've all sat around and discussed this? What happened to not talking about each other behind our backs? I glare at Becky and Kev, looking so loved up and smug and now Kirst too, Kirst and Eddie. I just want to smash their smug faces. My stomach lurches suddenly and a lump is in my throat.

"I...er...I need to...would you excuse me for a second I just need to..." I jump up from my seat and push my way through the crowds to the bathroom. Once inside I slam the door and lean against it, as the tears burst forth and pour down my face. I cross blindly to the sink and catch sight of my reflection. I'm a pathetic mess. My hair is dishevelled, the dress I'd worn optimistically because it had been the first warm day of the year looks stupid now and my eye make-up is smudged. I deserve this, I deserve all of this. Kirst has every right to do this, they are both free to see who they choose, and neither of them have kissed the wrong person, certainly not their best friends partner.