His blurred eyes

Fuck you

I enter my dirty room. Poor Katy just cleaned it and it's already messy.
Blame the demon, not me.

"Aziel?" He stands there on the balcony.
"Don't call me that."

I furrow my dark eyebrows. What's wrong with him? The man turns around and leans on the silver railing. Smoking one of my precious cigs.

"Uhm okay? Why are you smoking my shit?" Two can play this sickening game.
"You mean these?"

He fumbles in his pocket and pulls the whole packet out. His eyebrow raising like he's proud.

"The audacity you have to steal my package is immense." He rolls his eyes and throws it to me.

I dodge it. The man threw it hard. And it was going towards the direction of my eye.
What the fuck?

"I just wanted to say thanks for the bracelet."
"I wouldn't if I were you."
I sit on the white bed and think about what he means. And like he reads my thoughts, demon guy answers:

"I could've lied. Maybe it's poisoned. Infected."
My eyes shift to the white bracelet, studded with pearls.

"You said 'could've'...does that mean it isn't harmful?" I ask without taking my eyes off the gift. Or curse.

He chuckles. Dark.
"That's up for you to discover." I let out a chocked sob as I do everything in my power to get it off.

Throwing it far away from me.
"Is this your attempt to kill me?" Shocking.
He smirks after letting the smoke leave his mouth.

"Maybe. A little pre-show." My chest moves up and down. I can't even see any emotion in him.
Those piercing white eyes blinding me.

His heavy footsteps on the wooden floor make sounds as he walks to be in front of me.
"What's wrong Nova?"

I don't answer.
"Shocked? Surprised?" Aziel lets the beige cigarette fall to the floor and makes a loud noise by stumping on it.

"I told you. Don't misunderstand. I'm here to kill you...slowly..."
I push him away from me.

"I don't give a fuck about you anyways!"
"Who ever said I gave a shit 'bout you?"

He immediately claps back. I huff.
"Fuck you."

I run to pick the cigarette pack up, putting it in the bag and making my way out of that hell hole.
"Hey!"

I stop stumping away, turning to Nola impatiently. "Your pills."
I usually don't take them. I hate the feeling they give me. This time I did.

If it means that motherfucker will go away like the hallucination he is,  I will gladly take them.

"Thanks Nola." I gulp the 4 pills at once with the water she gave me.
I start walking away hastily again.

Not wanting anyone to come in my way.

———

"Nova...about the person you see.." I look up at him. I don't show any interest unless it's an explanation.

"I think he's a hallucination. You basically projected him as a way to cope with the intrusive thoughts. It's weird but in your case, it hurts less when those hurtful words come from someone else instead of yourself."

Those words never leave my mind. I believed him. But with the days that went by, scratches and wounds on my body parts increased.

That weren't caused by me. 'Are those hallucinations too?' Then why do they hurt when I touch them?

Hope in his assumption decreased but they always stick in the back of my mind.

Maybe he's wrong. Maybe he's right. Maybe...

I'm not the crazy one.

———

I breathe the fresh sea air in. A hidden place I come to. A place my mom left for me. A simple memory.

The gold sand itches my butt as it slowly invades the blue pants. I kick the sneakers off my feet and let them feel the sand.

The waves make this peaceful noise that wash my worries away for a while. I want to be here forever.

It's the only place where I feel okay. Not sick and tired. Not crazy. Not depressed.

Okay.

Mom...why did you have to leave me? You're the only person that kept me alive.

I don't know what to do. I just want to disappear. There's this thing I've realised for a while now...
I don't want to live. I don't want to die.

But life doesn't work that way. It doesn't give you an option that's in the middle.
You pick one. That's it.

I can see everyone's face when they look at me at those parties. Wishing they were me.

The daughter of a rich man. Being the heir. Living with no expenses and getting everything you want. Your whole life is laid out for you.

The thing is...I need to kill a part of myself every day for that life.

Rehab, asylums, psychiatrists. Everything.

Every little thing they do to make me feel better. Makes me lonelier. Always.

I stand up. Taking the ripped black hoodie off my body.

I let my feet feel the cold water as I keep going without flinching. Darkness surrounding me.

The sea and the waves look deadlier than ever but more peaceful than ever too.

I'm...too tired.

Author's note:

This chapter is a hell of a ride my lovelies.
Tell me your reactions, I'm dying to know. 

If you see any mistakes, kindly point them out and I'll correct them!