... And Other Ships

JiHope: I Hate You (You Love Me)

I didn't understand what I did to make Park Jimin my enemy. 

He was younger than me, but he was in many of my classes due to his academic genius; he could graduate with me if he wanted to, but he was still going to go all four years of high school so that he could take all the art courses our school offered. He used to gush about his passion for art to my best friend, Jeon Jungkook. 

But something horrible happened to Jungkook last year, a few months after he became friends with Jimin. He ended up moving back to Busan to be close to family and recieve treatment at the mental health facility there. 

Part of me didn't want to believe it was Jimin, but deep down, I knew it was all his fault. 

When Jungkook left, Jimin turned to me as his new target. The only difference between me and Jungkook was the fact that I knew what type of person Jimin was, so I avoided him the best I could. I wasn't going to let him hurt me like he hurt Jungkook. 

I promised Jungkook I'd be strong, no matter what happened to me. 

So Jimin took to emotionally and mentally abusing me. 

Our chemistry teacher made us permanent lab partners at the beginning of the year. Jimin would purposely mess up whatever we were doing and yell at me for it. He would start arguments for no reason, complain that I was a distraction and never followed directions. He would purposely make me mess up whatever I was working on and berate me for being careless and clumsy. 

And that was just in one class. He did way worse outside of a school setting. 

His glares, his words, his actions...Park Jimin was my enemy, and he wanted me to hate him. He wanted me to give into his hatred and use it to feed my own. 

But I couldn't hate Jimin. 

Before he showed me how much of a monster he was, he showed me how sweet he could be. Jimin used to be kind and caring, going out of his way to compliment people and help them if they were struggling. He would laugh and smile, throwing himself onto the nearest person or flat surface as he did so. He loved hugging his close friends and fed them if he noticed they didn't have a lunch. 

He used to compliment me; tell me I was beautiful with my braces and that I was talented. He would assure me that my voice wasn't annoying, that I wasn't annoying in general. He would smile at me and wave when we crossed paths, and he would pout and give me a hug if he noticed I was upset. 

I don't know what happened to Park Jimin to make him turn on a dime, but my crush on him didn't let up. 

Not even when he hurt Jungkook. 

Not even when he turned on me. 

Maybe I was stupid for still believing that there was still some good left in Jimin, but I didn't care. No matter what he did to me, I refused to hate him. 

I couldn't hate the monster that someone else created. 

-------

"Stop it." 

"Stop what, Jimin? I'm reading." 

"Stop breathing. You're just wasting the air for those of us who deserve it." 

I shook my head and turned back to my book. Jimin's cold, dead stare remained on the back of my head, filling me with anxious dread, but I didn't let it affect me too much on the outside. On the inside, my stomach churned and heart clenched uncomfortably, like I had heartburn and food poisoning at the same time. It was a visceral reaction to Jimin's abuse.