... And Other Ships

JiHope: Take It Slow

Jimin knows he's not sick, but he knows he isn't healthy, either. 

He's only seventeen, but he's almost forgot what the world outside of a hospital looks like. It's not even his fault that he's even in this place. 

COPD is kicking his ass. 

With every day that passes, Jimin can feel his body giving up on him. It's getting harder and harder to roll out of bed - hell, it's even difficult to roll over in bed. Even the simple, mindless task of breathing, aided by his cannula, is getting progressively more laborious as the days wear on. 

Jimin knows better than anyone else in critical care that he's dying. He is definitely dying, but he refuses to give up completely. 

Over the years, he's gained the nickname hospital mochi because of his bright and cheery personality. His roommates, a rotating cast of unfortunate characters - rotating because the majority of them never wake up the next morning - all loved him. His attitude encouraged them to hang on for just a tiny bit longer than they're diagnosis said they would. 

Out of ten roommates, only two of them had ever pulled through. Jimin prays that Namjoon will outlive him. 

Lately, all the positivity is beginning to drain from Jimin, along with his life force. 

When he's all alone, when he's positive Namjoon's asleep, he holds his pillow tight and cries. 

He cries and cries and cries because he wants to continue living; he craves to find love; he doesn't want to die. But he just can't prevent Death from taking his aching soul. 

But one person reminds Park Jimin that he's still alive; he isn't dead yet, so he should celebrate instead of sit around and mope. 

Eighteen-year-old Jung Hoseok visits Jimin every other day, bringing with him great stories and fun activities to do. It's nearly impossible to be upset with him in the room; even Namjoon perks up when the high school senior visits. 

And he's visiting today, bringing something new to teach the small, pink-haired boy. 

"Hobi-hyung!" Jimin beams from his spot on Namjoon's bed, where he had been singing to the older boy to help him try to sleep a little better. 

Hoseok smiles in greeting, holding his arms out for Jimin, who had slid off of Namjoon's bed and closed the divider to block out the light before falling into the hug. 

"Hey, Minie. Sorry I haven't been visiting much lately. School's been hectic," the hospital volunteer mumbles, resting his chin on the younger boy's head and closing his eyes. Jimin lets out a breath. "It's okay. You're here now, and that's what matters." 

They part with the ruffling of bubble-gum-pink hair and tiny, fond smiles. "Bad week, huh? Well, I know something that can cheer up the mochi," Hoseok says as he pulls out his ear buds, which are connected to his phone. 

Jimin feels a strange type of warmth flow through him at Hoseok's lockscreen; it's a photo of them together. They're smiling at the camera, when in reality, they were smiling at each other's faces on screen. 

"I'm gonna teach you how to dance, Minie." The older puts an ear bud in one ear, fitting the other in the slightly-smaller boy's. But Jimin frowns at his friend, this full lips looking even fuller. "Hyung, I can't dance. My lungs..."

"It's okay, Minie-munch. Stand on my feet." Hoseok holds his friend steady as he obeys, baby-blue critical care socks on bright-green Converse. He wraps one arm around Jimin while he finds a slow song; a song called Homebody by Ph-1. 

It's not a typical slow song, but the older knows all the words by heart. He chose a song a song to sing to Jimin. 

His precious Jimin holds his waist tightly, pressing his cheek to his shoulder as his own arms lay across his shoulder blades, feet taking baby steps, swaying to the beat. The second Hoseok starts to rap along with the song, Jimin looks up at him with stars in his eyes. 

"...But you don't like me; but you don't like me. I want you to like me..." 

Hoseok's voice is soothing; his fond gaze never once strays from the younger's star-filled eyes. He loves Jimin's eyes - he loves Jimin - and would love to get lost in them forever. He just wants to drown himself, baptize himself, in Jimin's brown eyes. 

And the dying boy his having the time of his life; Ph-1 in one ear, his most favorite person's voice in the other. He's honestly never been happier. No one can make him happier than Hoseok does. 

"...Yes, I'm a nerd, but I'll still school you. Crazy is normal; do what the loons do. I'm busy being home; busy being lonely. My life is on the line, please, never ever call me."

They turn in slow, little circles, lost in the positivity and warmth the other radiates. 

They both decide, individually, that they're so in love with one another - they have been for a long time - and don't regret it. 

When the song is over, Hoseok presses a light, cautious kiss to Jimin's lips; his heart screams when he feels the younger try to kiss him back. It's so obvious that this is Jimin's first kiss. The older doesn't mind one bit; he's glad that he's Jimin's first chance at love and - as sad as it is - possibly his only chance. 

They pull apart, and there's tears in the pink-haired boy's eyes as he gazes up at Hoseok. 

As much as he wants to be happy, he just can't be; he's faked happiness for so long. 

He knows the older boy loves him; he felt it in the way he was held and kissed. But he's so damn scared to allow himself to love. 

"Jimin, tell me what's wrong," Hoseok says worriedly, feeling Jimin's forehead for a physical sign of illness. But the boy pulls his hand down and holds it tightly in his own. "Hyung, I'm... I'm afraid," he whimpers out, taking comfort in the larger hand fastened to his. 

Hoseok frowns in confusion, trying to pull the boy even closer. "Afraid? Of what?" 

"Of loving you."

Hoseok pales and swallows hard, attempting to stay calm. As long as he's calm, Jimin will be, too; he's learned this from experience. 

He doesn't say anything; instead, he simply squeezes the smaller hand in his own once, signaling for him to continue with voicing his fears. 

Jimin gets the hint and takes a deep breath. "I know I'm dying, hyung. I can feel myself wasting away every moment. I don't have much time left and I know that." 

The older's heart is cracking, but he refuses to break as tears flow down Jimin's cheeks. "It's... It's gonna destroy you when my body finally gives up on... on me, and-and I have no other choice but to... to pass on. Loving you will only make it so, so much worse for you. You deserve so much more than... than I can give you. I'm only g-gonna shatter your h-heart." 

Hoseok shakes his head and wipes Jimin's glassy tears. 

"No, Jimin. I don't want more; I don't want better. I don't care that our relationship will end in death. You deserve a shot at love. When you go, of course I'll be destroyed, but I promise that it'll all be okay. I'll be okay. Please, Jimin, let me love you."

The younger boy buries his face in his friend's neck and takes deep breaths. And the older closes his eyes, lips pressed to the side of Jimin's head. 

"Okay, I believe you," the younger finally says, pressing a gentle kiss to the older's neck. And Hoseok hums as he presses a kiss to Jimin's head. 

"We'll take it slow, okay? Day by day," he promises, an Jimin smiles up at him. "Day by Day," he echoes, stars once-again filling his eyes. 

And for one entire year, they take it slow, all the way up to the night Jimin passes in his sleep; on the exact time and day he was born.