Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

53

ALEXA

A/N: this whole chapter talks a lot about self harm so be careful if that's something you find triggering or sensitive, there is a trigger warning later on though

It was midmorning on Friday. The sky was dull, the breeze cold, the world grey, and it felt like it was about to rain at any given moment - a reminder that we were midway through August and winter was slowly but surely on its way. My mood mirrored what it was like outside.

I had felt on edge from the moment I woke up. Last night didn't feel entirely real, but the constant pain in my wrist and the gaping wound hidden underneath bandaids was proof it had happened. All morning I had found ways to get myself alone - in my room getting changed, in the bathroom at school - so I could push up my sleeve to see if it was there. I was tempted to take the bandaid off, wanting to see what it looked like, how big it was, how deep it was, but I couldn't risk doing it in a public place. I'd save it for tonight.

Frank had been particularly gentle with me this morning, getting me my breakfast ready before I came downstairs and giving me a long hug before we walked out the door. It felt like the facade was crumbling around me and he could see it, meaning I had to rebuild the walls stronger than before.

Vic and I had skipped history, trading our desks for our spot in the drama storage room after she told me I looked stressed - an understatement to say the least.

I had relapsed for the first time since the hospital last night. I was all over the place.

Something I had noticed was Vic was right when she said no one ever came in here. In the whole two weeks we had been skipping and hiding away in the storage room loft, we hadn't encountered anyone.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the amount of class I'd been missing, especially with midterms starting in three days. But I was already so far behind and doing well seemed impossible. I decided it didn't matter anymore. The version of me that exists after school, sitting in front of my books and realising what I still needed to do would disagree, but the version of me right now wasn't compelled to stay in class and make the most of the time I had before my knowledge would be tested. With my relapse last night, there were bigger things playing on my mind. While the shock overtook me, there was a bliss in it where everything stopped. It was that very feeling I was craving, and no drug could give me that. Part of me wanted my midterms to go badly so that I could have an excuse to punish myself. I wanted to chase that feeling more than anything. It was all I could think about, and nothing else felt equally important.

"Ugh, L, get out of your head."

I shook my head trying to refocus, but it felt like my brain was sloshing back and forth from the combination of meds and weed. "Sorry."

Vic pursed her full lips, studying me intently. "You look like you could use a little 'pick-me-up'," she said with a smirk.

That caught my attention, and I lifted my head to meet hers. Her brown eyes had darkened and had that devilish twinkle to them that meant she was up to something.

"I'm listening," I said, raising my eyebrows.

She glanced over the shelves that served as a wall on the loft, preventing anyone from looking up and seeing us, and then ducked back down. "Ever done coke before?"

My eyes went wide.

Vic didn't wait for my answer before she began reaching behind her into the small hole in the drywall that served as her storage spot. It felt like the virgin Mary painting that was leaning against the wall next to the hole was watching us with judging eyes. It didn't matter where you were sitting, she was always looking at you. I found comfort in the knowledge that if Frank ever knew about it and what Vic and I did in her presence, he would've found it funny.