Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

91

*trigger warning for entire chapter: talk of self harm, mentions of cuts*

ALEXA

"Hey, Lex?"

I sighed and looked up from my sketchbook to see Frank standing in my doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. He looked a little nervous, something that made me panic, but there was something else that I couldn't pinpoint. Was he afraid?

Since I tended to base my responses on Frank's energy because I didn't trust my own gut, if he gave out any indication something was wrong I was automatically preparing for the worst - so that was exactly what I was doing.

"Yeah?" I said with caution, my grip tightening around my pencil.

I tried to keep an innocent face as Frank's eyes darted around my room. It was as if he couldn't look at me directly for some reason, and there was that distinctive seriousness in the air when he spoke next.

"Can we have a chat? You're not in trouble, I-I uh, I just want to talk." He phrased it like a question but it wasn't a question at all.

I gulped and nodded, closing my book and placing it down next to me on my bed before bringing my knees to my chest and hugging them and making myself small. Whenever he said we needed to talk, it wasn't something lighthearted. I could count the amount of times he had said those words to me on my fingers - that phrase wasn't something he just tossed around.

This was important, and that filled me with fear.

It never felt quite real that Frank wanted to be in my life -or have me in his- the way he apparently did. Ever since that first time he came back and visited me in the hospital I had wondered 'why me?'. It wasn't something I had an answer to that I believed myself, though I knew Frank never lied to me when I would ask him about it. It just wasn't something I could believe. But I had learnt to accept it as somehow true because he made it abundantly clear that he wanted to spend time with me of all people. But the question still remained, and though it had dwindled down to the ghost of a whisper most of the time, it still wrapped around my brain in lonely hours. How long would he stay? At what point was I too much? How long was it until he couldn't do it anymore?

It was my biggest fear: Frank's place in my life being only temporary. Being abandoned by the only person I ever really trusted, the only person to really show me love, the only person I ever loved, would be worse than the world ending.

Frank came over and sat down on the edge of the mattress hesitantly. He cleared his throat and wrung his hands together, his eyes still on the floor as if it made it easier for him to say what he needed to. The only things I knew for sure were that he was scared to say whatever it was, and this conversation wasn't going to be easy.

I swallowed hard.

"So uh, Gee had a really nice time drawing with you yesterday," he began, his voice light but strained. He shot me a quick smile before his gaze fell back on the floor. It did nothing to reassure me if that was what he was going for. "I know he had been missing it but he didn't wanna pressure you into aything if you weren't feeling up to it, but yeah, he uh, he really enjoyed spending some time with you. And the guys all loved seeing you too. They always do."

When he paused a thick silence took over, like a blanket of fog coming down for the night and you knew it wasn't going to lift until morning. For the meantime you were trapped in it.

I wanted to run like hell out of my room, to distance myself from Frank and this conversation before it got too far in. My muscles were tense like they were ready for the command to be given so they could explode into action. But I couldn't move, and before I could even try, Frank had found his voice again.