Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

54

ALEXA

As promised, Frank spent all of yesterday helping me study. He told me to bring everything down from my room to the kitchen table where we set up a study area for the weekend. I felt bad taking up that much space, but Frank insisted that our final study cram sesh was more important than the so called 'mess' it created.

Although, it wasn't for all of yesterday. Frank followed through with his plans of us doing something fun, and again, true to his word, it was only for a small part of the day.

He had copied down several questions at random from my maths textbook to make a 'practice paper' for me to complete, and decided that after he corrected it we would take our break. I did better than I thought I would, but there were still questions that I either had no clue how to start or had gone wrong somewhere but was unsure as to where. Despite not knowing either - Frank sheepishly admitting that maths was never his strength - he sat with me with the paper in front of us, going through the relevant chapter in the textbook and my corresponding notes to try and make sense of it. I was ready to give up, losing interest and feeling like it was wasting time, but not Frank. He kept saying he promised to help me and he wasn't going to be satisfied until we worked it out.

I was touched by his dedication. He sat leaning forward on his chair, eyebrows furrowed, alternating between biting his lip and the tip of his tongue touching the corner of his mouth as he scribbled on his working out paper.

Having him by my side made the whole thing less stressful. I could even go as far as saying we were having fun, him getting a few laughs out of me despite what we were doing. That was impressive. It would have been great if there was a way to have him with me during the midterms itself, his presence having a calming effect.

I couldn't help but feel warmth in my chest when I'd glance over to him, his page full of equations and numbers and things crossed out. It started from my heart and spilled out, spreading right to my fingertips. He was a really, really good dad.

It got me thinking about Frank and Jamia and if they would properly get together, and if so, about their future kids. Frank was hands down the best dad. Anyone who would grow up with him as their father would be the luckiest person in the world. To have a father who not only loves you but tells you it daily, who helps you when you need it even when you've given up, who encourages you to continue to fight even when things are hard, who is genuinely interested in the things you enjoy, who wants to share his passions with you. To grow up feeling so unconditionally safe and loved and accepted and unafraid. They would be so non traumatised, so happy and wild and creative. And they would be Frank's world. He would be so loving and proud and supportive and they would never doubt it for a second because he would never give them a reason to. I thanked the universe every single day for the way Frank came into my life and I felt like the luckiest person alive, but to be born as his genetic children? They would be the luckiest kids in the whole damn world.

When Frank had finally worked out the question he was stumped on, not even trying to conceal his excitement, he talked me through what he had done to get the answer until he was certain I understood. Then we hit pause for a while.

Frank suggested we get out of the house for a bit since we had spent so much time inside staring at books. I didn't protest, happy to have him take control since my brain was already fried. Every ounce of energy was being used up trying to cram - it felt nice to not have to think about something.

We drove to the coffee shop, windows down and the heater on since it was cool outside but I wanted fresh air and the feeling of the wind on my face. Frank had laughed when I asked if I could do that, saying something affectionate under his breath before replying with a "you know you don't have to ask". He shot me a lopsided smile and rolled his window down too. His Revenge cd blasted on the way there and back, and for that moment, it felt like old times of us against the world and everything being okay. The midterms, the bullying, Calli, the fresh cuts on my arms and thighs, the drugs - it all left my mind when it was just Frank and me.