Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

77

ALEXA

My body felt like it was made of lead. I would try to pick my arms up but it felt like they were connected to the floor with a magnet. It would take all my strength to lift them from the ground, and it would only happen from my wrists. My elbows would bend, like my arm was curling up more than anything else, as if there was a string connected to the back of my wrist and only pulled that up. I got stuck repeating this movement over and over, trying to get my entire arm up in one smooth motion, watching through heavily hooded eyes.

At some point, Frank had gotten home from the shops. When he left, I ran outside and smoked two pre-prepared joints, hoping to sufficiently bake myself in the short window I had where he wouldn't be able to stop it. I couldn't even remember why he went but it was a blessing. An uninterrupted window that I took full advantage of.

I was confused by what sounded like two sets of feet entering the house but didn't think much of it - everything felt weird, I was probably hearing things. I had been hearing a song for the past several minutes and it wasn't until I heard the front door open and shut that I realised that there was no song playing at all and that it was actually in my head.

I could feel the footsteps through the floor as Frank approached me, and then they suddenly stopped.

"What the hell are you doing?" he chuckled.

Closing my eyes, I relaxed my head back down on the carpet of the lounge room, my wrists dropping. I was now spread out like a star in the middle of the living room, and the image I had in my head from how that looked from a third person perspective had me giggling.

"They won't go up," I got out between laughs.

"Wah- are you high again?" The lightheartedness in his voice had vanished.

All I did was respond with a half smile. My face felt like it was melting, so it was hard to tell for sure if my expression even changed. I felt like I was sinking through the floor, all my worries melting away with it.

"Fucking hell, Lex. Why are you couch locked in the middle of the floor? I'm gonna accidentally step on you," Frank sighed as he dodged my limbs.

As memories of my past began to surface as he hovered over me to pick me, I started laughing hysterically, attempting to hold my hand up to stop him from coming closer as I lost it on the floor. I could hardly catch my breath from how hilarious it was.

"Why have a kid if you're fucking miserable?" I asked before cackling. "Oh my god, my biological parents were so embarrassing, what the fuck. Like... why are you so... why are you so fucking ANGRY all the time? Like... what did I do?! You're literally screaming at a child!"

A loud shriek that I couldn't hold in escaped my lips, though I tried to get under control just as quickly as it spilled out. The image filling my head, the part I was about to get to, was making me lose it completely, but I was trying to keep composed to deliver it with maximum accuracy.

This was why I was getting high: any memory no longer hurt. My childhood was funny. The hate page was funny. My own depressive thoughts were funny.

I took a couple deep breaths before doing my best attempt of mocking my biological father for something he would say to me daily.

"I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT! Oh my fucking GOD! You ARE the reason."

My hands covered my face as I laughed uncontrollably, tears forming in my eyes. It wasn't at the time of course and in my right mind it hurt to think about, but right now all I could see was how funny it was that my biological father would become so enraged to the point of throwing things around the place and hitting me. It was absolutely ridiculous.