Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

5

ALEXA

Today was Saturday, making it two days since I saw Frank. I'd be lying if I said when the clock approached 2pm yesterday - visiting hour - I wasn't sitting anxiously watching every minute tick by in the hopes that Frank would come again. I didn't want to get my hopes up today because whenever I do that I end up breaking my own heart from unrealistic expectations that were never going to be met. I knew it was foolish to believe he would visit. He has his own life outside of these miserable walls and if I had the choice, I would never take a step in this building, so I wouldn't hold it against him. But he was the first person who had shown me genuine care and had gone out of their way to see me, so at the same time I couldn't help but become attached quickly. Especially when he is someone who I've looked up to for so long. My parents never cared about me. My friends before the whole mental breakdown being an inpatient thing never really cared about me either. Sure, the nurses do, but that's literally their job. Frank was the first person to show me kindness because he wanted to.

But maybe I don't deserve his kindness.

I was laying down on the couch in the art and music therapy room. Originally, I planned on playing guitar, wanting to work on some of the riffs Frank had taught me, however once I stepped foot into the room and closed the door behind me it felt like the life had drained out of me. I ran my fingers over the fabric of the couch, distracting myself with the sound.

My mind was alternating between replaying the events of yesterday and the memories that surfaced as a result. One accidental move on my part caused another person to spiral into crisis and sent me into a whirlwind of emotions that I hadn't faced in years.

It wasn't intentional, you had no idea he was going to go off like that. You can't blame that on yourself.

Doesn't matter. You caused it. No one else. You. Intentional or not, you're responsible. It wouldn't have happened if you weren't here. Why are you still here, anyway? It's not like anyone cares. You can't honestly think Frank cares. He just feels sorry for you. No one would miss you. You have no one.

One thought after another they snowballed. I squeezed my eyes shut as if it would somehow silence them. I was so lost in my internal war that I didn't notice Madi knocking on the door and entering, not even when she called repeatedly called my name. I especially didn't notice that she wasn't alone. It took her placing her hand on my shoulder to break me free, snapping me back to what was going on around me rather than inside me.

I sat up suddenly, black spots filling my vision.

"Alexa, honey, you have a visitor. I figured you two can stay in here, or feel free to walk around of course," Madi beamed at me, her enthusiasm making my head spin more.

"Oh, hi Frank!" I said once my vision had cleared and focused on him, my heartbeat picked up at the unexpected sight. Maybe he didn't forget after all.

I had seen other patients with their visitors over my time here, and I had learnt that you were free to move about the ward with them. But this was new to me. I guess since they had seen me with Frank the other day and I had talked about it in group therapy they felt like it could be good for me to spend some time with him. Either that or they were just as surprised as I was to have someone show up for me and they wanted to see how this played out.

"I'll leave you two, sing out if you need anything," Madi said as she headed out the door, not before sending me an encouraging grin and a thumbs up.

Madi was always nice to me. Sometimes it seemed a bit over the top nice, like she was trying to make up for my shitty past and being abandoned by my parents and left here in limbo. I had a sneaking suspicion that that's why she brought Frank directly to me instead of making him wait in the visiting room but I wasn't complaining.